It was April 24th of this year, so that is approximately 2 weeks and 3 days. I was at my soon-to-be state university for my interview and enrolment, I decided to take up Bachelor of Science in Psychology(clinical) so to understand myself and everyone else, I decided that I could also use this as a pre-med since most members of my family on my mother's side are in the med field.
But when I got there, and was informed that my course is overloaded so I ended up getting myself interviewed for my second prefered choice which is Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. I thought I was fine with this one, until I searched on wikipedia what philosophy is really about I instantly became anxious. I read in the metaphysics section that it's mainly about time(which i'm fine with), reality etc.
Reality struck me the most, since I already know that I've Fantasy-Prone Personality, not knowing more about it. So I dug deeper, and came across with Maladaptive Daydreaming—yes, I know the difference between reality and fantasy— having Social Anxiety Diorder without knowing is what I think really triggered my MD, we all thought that I was just extremely shy. So there you go, i'm afraid of failing I would say i'm quite a perfectionist, I want everything to be right.
So I realized on that night of April 24th
that I had to stop my MD. The first 3 days were extremely painful, I felt void, I didn't know who and what I was in the moment and I cried a lot in my shower(this was the only palce I cried so nobody would hear). And then, I decided I would tell my mother I have SAD on saturday, 27 April, but I didn't, I was petrified for the fear of being judged. I wasn't entirely wrong for this. So I told her the next day, afternoon and I cried but I didn't tell her about MD(this would be too much for both of us). After this I didn't cry anymore, I searched more about my comorbidity to understand more and seek others and relate. I'm trying to move steps forward, but I must say there's not a single day that I don't think about this and think of eliminating both my SAD and MD. Next week on Monday I will be walking my cousin's dog as a form of exercise and then maybe do Yoga, first on my own, and then eat healthier foods and take vitamins as well. And I would definitely face my fears and pray little-by-little.
I hope I gain lots of supports from you guys because college here in my country starts in June(my classes starts June 17).
Thank you for reading and please feel free to comment, I need to know i'm not invicible. :)