MY Moment Of TRUTH

[Carly Cole]

It was April 24th of this year, so that is approximately 2 weeks and 3 days. I was at my soon-to-be state university for my interview and enrolment, I decided to take up Bachelor of Science in Psychology(clinical) so to understand myself and everyone else, I decided that I could also use this as a pre-med since most members of my family on my mother's side are in the med field.

But when I got there, and was informed that my course is overloaded so I ended up getting myself interviewed for my second prefered choice which is Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. I thought I was fine with this one, until I searched on wikipedia what philosophy is really about I instantly became anxious. I read in the metaphysics section that it's mainly about time(which i'm fine with), reality etc.

Reality struck me the most, since I already know that I've Fantasy-Prone Personality, not knowing more about it. So I dug deeper, and came across with Maladaptive Daydreaming—yes, I know the difference between reality and fantasy— having Social Anxiety Diorder without knowing is what I think really triggered my MD, we all thought that I was just extremely shy. So there you go, i'm afraid of failing I would say i'm quite a perfectionist, I want everything to be right.

So I realized on that night of April 24th
that I had to stop my MD. The first 3 days were extremely painful, I felt void, I didn't know who and what I was in the moment and I cried a lot in my shower(this was the only palce I cried so nobody would hear). And then, I decided I would tell my mother I have SAD on saturday, 27 April, but I didn't, I was petrified for the fear of being judged. I wasn't entirely wrong for this. So I told her the next day, afternoon and I cried but I didn't tell her about MD(this would be too much for both of us). After this I didn't cry anymore, I searched more about my comorbidity to understand more and seek others and relate. I'm trying to move steps forward, but I must say there's not a single day that I don't think about this and think of eliminating both my SAD and MD. Next week on Monday I will be walking my cousin's dog as a form of exercise and then maybe do Yoga, first on my own, and then eat healthier foods and take vitamins as well. And I would definitely face my fears and pray little-by-little.

I hope I gain lots of supports from you guys because college here in my country starts in June(my classes starts June 17).

Thank you for reading and please feel free to comment, I need to know i'm not invicible. :)

[Carly Cole]

if not, sophomore.  . . .

[Carly Cole]

LOL. no, you're not a total bitch, just a little :) I'm starting to feel that my mum was right she and some doctors (because she's a midwife and my auntie's a GP) told me to tae Biology but I didn't listen, why didn't I listen?

 

 

anyways is Biology less stressful at all? because i'm still thinking of shifting next semester :)

[KwanKwan]

You waited a year before going to college? LUCKY!!! that's what I want to do!! but parents wont let me.

 

But concerning your major choice, not to sound like a total bitch but Philosophy is not something you major in. You mentioned wanting to go to medical school and since you worry so much about the future already, I would suggest majoring in Biology. That's what my sister did and now she's in med school.

[Carly Cole]

what actually keeps me from DD and thinking too much is texting some friends and family. But i'm currently in bad terms with my sister so I tend to bash her in my unheard dilogues .

[Carly Cole]

sometimes I don't think i'm daydreaming because it's more about my future and i'm anxious about it so I kind of probe into the future.. . . . I'm afraid of failing. I've waisted a year already by not enroling to college (this is because of my SAD and MD, I thought I could just devote my time to DD)

''It's the time that you wasted/devoted that makes things special'' The Little Prince

[Carly Cole]

yeah, I think daydreaming everyday is enevitable, just last sunday while I was at the church listening to the priest's sermons I kind of daydreamed of talking to them in advance (it's strange) and to think it was 21 different daydreams (same settings a little different dialogues) and that was only from 6:30 - 8:30 am

[Carly Cole]

hi taffle!
I don't think I mentioned above that the reason my 2nd choice of course of Philosophy is because a major character in my daydreams is quite philisophical and some of my favorite personalities in reality seemed to have studied philosophy, so there you go!

Thank you by the way for sharing your experience, and I hope we'll get in touch ! :)

[Iris]

Over the years my daydreams were reduced drastically, so usually they don't bother me too much, but I still daydream every day.

I think you do the right things, stay with them. Excercise, Yoga (or Meditation) and eating healthy food are the things that I do too and I think they help me. I take omega-3-fish-oil and grass-juice is extremely healthy. If you drink coffee, try to reduce it.

What I liked most in your post is, that you want to face your fears. I think that is the secret. You wrote that you felt void when you stopped daydreaming and that you cried a lot. Wow! You are on the right way and you are not escaping into your dreamland.

I wish you all the best.

[taffle]

Welcome to Wild Minds! Philosophy course was a bit hard for me at first but it opened me up to many perspectives on reality. So many insights that I have gleaned. Plus it helps me develop better arguing skills. I recommend giving it a try.

I do yoga too and it helps me become more aware of my body and the present moment. Plus it's fun to do.

[Carly Cole]

thank you!! Funkyowlsforever I'm always very appreciative of anyone's support :)