It's Been Two Years...

[Lizzie Wanderlust]

Wow.

Has it really been two years since my last visit to this site?

I used to come on here daily, often just to lurk about and chat. This site helped me through a really rough time in my life… I found this site way-back-when, back when I was suffering from severe depression and thought I was the only one in the universe who was addicted to their own daydreams. This site, and the knowledge that others out there went through the same troubles that I did, helped me get through my final years of high school and first years of college. Then, life took control and pulled me away… I think at some point, I left the site because I was disappointed in myself and my inability to even try to control my daydreams. And then I had classes, reports, finals, internships…. Now, it's two years later.

Two years ago, when I made my last blog post on here, I was an 18 year old junior in university (Yeah, I'm two years ahead in school… it's complicated). I had just moved out of my parents' house, and into a dorm room that was only five minutes down the road. I had joined numerous clubs at school, and was slowly overcoming my social anxiety. Slowly. Very, very slowly. Like a snail, inching along.  Of course, my daydreaming was still getting in the way of studying, chores, and social events… but what's new? I think it was two years ago that I finally began to overcome the depression that had haunted me throughout high school. 

So, in celebration of my return to this site, I would like to make a list of what has changed over these two years. Maybe it will help those of you who are at the stage I was back then be able to look forward to the future, (because, I'll go ahead and let you in on the secret conclusion to this blog, it gets better.)

Let's start off with what hasn't changed:

1. I still spend a majority of my time daydreaming. I'm one of the ones who has a tendency to pace when I daydream… and over the past two months I have worn holes into every single pair of socks I own and torn the skin from the bottom of my feet. My nights usually end in blood and blisters, and I'd like to compare my daydreaming habits to the pain caused by a shiny new pair of high heels.
2. I'm still overcoming my social anxiety. Though, I'm working very hard on it. Inch by inch, I'll get there. Like a snail. 
3. I'm still in school… but more on that later.

And that's it. Practically, every thing else has changed. Look at this:

1. I graduated with my Bachelor of Science. I finished my undergraduate schooling with honors, and had a real-life college degree to prove it.
2. I applied to my dream graduate school, where I could study a Master's in Oceanography… and got in.
3. I packed my backs, hopped on an eight hour flight out of the USA, and headed for England. Because it just so happens that was where this dream school of mine was. I have now been in England for over two months, and love it here.
4. I went to London. This was a big deal to me, as London had been the setting for many of my daydreams for so many years. I obsessed over the city. And I finally, actually went there.
5. I'm beginning to learn how to channel my daydreams into my writing. I love to write just as much as I seem to love to daydream… but for most of my life those two "talent" have existed in different planes. My writings did not impact my daydreams, and my daydreams did not impact my writings. When I had first began the struggle to control my daydreams, several years back, I was given the beautiful advice to "write down" my daydreams. Though, at the time, this advice had infuriated me. Writing about my daydreams never concluded with anything more than incoherent thoughts splashed upon a doodle covered notebook, and did nothing in the way of satisfying my daydreams. Yet, recently, I have found that it has become easier for me to write about what I usually would rather pace back and forth over… and it is beginning to help me control my urges to tear the skin from my feet. It's a slow process, just like my battle with social anxiety. But I'm getting somewhere. Inc by inch… Oh, how I am the snail. 

Of course, much more has happened over the past two years… but I'm sure you'd find the rest of it is actually quite boring. I'm happy now. I'm inspired and motivated. My life isn't perfect yet, but I'm getting it there. I still have relapse moments of depression, self-hate, and anxiety attacks… but they are becoming fewer and fewer with time.

I'm not sure how many of you still lurk about this site… but if you are still out there, and are still willing to read my blog posts (even the ones that turn into incoherent rants), then maybe I'll just have to stop by and update these more often. 

Sincerely,

A Very Happy Girl in England

[Zoë Verdancii]

I've always considered writing down my daydreams, but have been scared to do so, for fear of falling back into it. It's so nice to read that someone is able to manage their life and goals, alongside daydreaming, and actually making USE of that. I wish you the absolute best :) and thank you for sharing.