It's been a while

[Riley]

My DD has never been as bad as it has been the last 3 weeks . I did so good for about almost 2 years with just trying to keep myself busy and staying away from music as much as possible because music is and has always been my trigger. I would lie if I said I stopped all together .. nope I had my moments but nothing to dramatic. I don't know what happend but I'm so into it at the moment I do nothing else but go to work come home clean cook wait till everybody is in bed and sit in the living room with my headphones and staring into nowhere. I missed it I love it I never wan't to stop I'm happy in my world I'm loved in my world and when it's over when I'm done for the night because it is like 4 in the morning and I only have about 2 hours of sleep before i have to get ready for work , I look at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth and then comes the realisation that this is the real world and not the place where I just came from . That this is what I have here is all I have and it will never be like it is in my head and it's depressing and even though I'm tired all day I can't wait to do it all over again just so i can go back into my living room . 

[taffle]

Since music is your trigger, try to cut down on it. Set aside maybe 10-30 minutes each day to listen and DD to music. If you try to suppress your DDs, it might come back with a vengeance, like Matthew said.

[Lisa slater]

Did anything happen in the last few weeks, months that you think set it off. I've always avoided mirrors, I think seeing myself is too much reality I prefer the me I see in my world.