Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I've been wondering this for a very long time, but haven't spoke to anyone about it since I'm pretty embarrassed of it. Ever since I was a child, I've rocked myself to sleep while listening to music. Often times I start daydreaming because of the movement, like rocking side to side while I lay in bed or in a recliner that rocks back and forth. Or when I'm in the car, my head will either bounce against the headrest or my body will rock side to side.
As a kid, though (elementary school), I only did this before I went to bed or when I was in a vehicle. But since middle school, it's developed into a horrible habit (which is exactly when I started maladaptive daydreaming). I didn't have a good relationship with my dad, since he was very strict with me but didn't treat my brothers the same. I wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends or even talk to them when my dad was around. Everything I did was monitored. Even when my dad was out of the house, he would tell my three older brothers to watch me at all times, so I was never allowed to do things like even leave my bedroom door slightly cracked (unless I was changing, then I was allowed to close it but only for a little bit). If my dad wasn't home to do it, then my brothers always had to be able to look into my room from the hallway to see what I was doing. I started listening to music and rocking back and forth- either in my bed or in the recliner in the living room- for literally several hours a day. I had little to no motivation to do anything else. My mind was the only thing my dad couldn't control and didn't have access to, so I developed an addiction to it. I still struggle with it now. obviously, since if I didn't I wouldn't be writing this blog right now. I live with my mom but when I go to my dad's, unless I'm forced to do something else, I will sit in the recliner all day and listen to music. Only occasionally getting up to eat or use the restroom or watch videos or something. If I don't have at least a couple hours day, even at my mom's, of just listening to music and rocking back and forth until my body gets so tired that I simply can't do it anymore then I will be so drained I can't function at all.