Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I swear inside these walls it gets so hard. My relationship with my family is at its worse. Once I was really close to my mother, now its like we can barely stand each other anymore. We are both to blame, some of it is because of my MDD. Even though I try it is half-hearted and definitely not my best. My mother is so fed-up with me being a waste, a failure, she's also embarrassed by me...so is my sister. I realize how bad I look to people in town like a lazy nothing. For what its worth I sue to care, I use to try no matter how hard things got. Where I am now at 25 years old is not where I expected myself to be. I had dreams and goals as a high school student of attending the finest university. Thing of it is, is that I am actually smart academically. It all begin to fall apart in middle school,when my mom married her dead beat physically/emotional abusing husband. Before that my mom was doing good independent making on her own for us and herself. Sadly truth be told I was born into a hell hole. My childhood was non-existent, I have never know what it is like to be a child. I had to be responsible from the time I was 4 years old. I have carried the fear, and stress of an adult all my life literally. My early years were filled with seeing/hearing my mom abused physically in the worst way.
Anyway long story short because of the abuse I witnessed at home, lack of sleep due to late night fights, screaming, shouting, lack of concentration, and loss of motivation, an utter will to not care about anything anymore...not even myself top that with my MDD, and the result is a smart young woman who fails high school rendering me diploma-less. With that my dreams going down the drain. I did attend community college one year after high school was over. I aced all of my classes, never failed a single test or assignment, and made "A's" on everything. However; since this is a backwards small town, and the community college was fairly new, the teachers/staff had no idea what they were doing so I ended up not receiving the license that I had worked hard for an earned, on the account of the college not holding up their end. So I spent 6 months in college passing, and being filled with new hope of a fresh start, and due to no fault of my own...it was a waste of time. Even when I try something always gets in the way and ruins my plans. Now I have shamed my family, myself. I am not what I wanted to be, so far away from being the Doctor that I wanted to be. Which takes years of schooling and at 25 I am behind in years of schooling as far as becoming a doctor is concerned.