In which sometimes I'm just impossible

[Placidia]

[This is really nothing about MD.  Just me being me.]  For about a month now, I've been doing Bible study with some people I met on campus.  They invited me to their church, and I really liked it, so I started going there, too.  At first it was wonderful; everyone has been really nice and welcoming.  Now I've really come to resent the whole thing, though.  It's not because of anything anyone did or said.  But I can't stand small-group activities where everyone will notice whether I show up or not. 

 

It makes me feel like my freedom is being impinged on, and being able to do things whenever I want, without having to give explanations to anyone, is really important to me. 

 

So today I was supposed to meet with one of the people I know for Bible study.  I didn't show, and I turned off my phone so she can't call to reschedule.  Intellectually, I know that was an extremely rude thing to do.  She's been really wonderful to me, has always been available to talk, has given me rides places, etc. 

 

However, in actuality I don't feel guilty at all.  I know I ought to call her or email her and tell her I'm not interested in studying with her anymore . . . but I really don't feel like it.  Even though she's done nothing to deserve such treatment, I feel like just ignoring her emails and not picking up the phone if she calls. 

 

I really wish I didn't always do things like this to people. 

 

I guess I need to find a polite way of stating right off the bat when I meet people that I have a tendency to suddenly disappear for no reason, that they shouldn't take it personally, but if I don't show up and they do try to get in touch with me, I'll only get mad at them.

[roxanne]

We still live in this world & have to consider what effect our behavior has on others.  I know how bad I feel for not following this advise.

[roxanne]

That's all fine if you don't get too involved with them to begin with.  But once you do, then you owe then something - thanks for having been there; I appreciated your friendship; I'm withdrawing for reasons that have to do with me, not you; whatever, something.

[roxanne]

When I stopped smoking, I was so stressed out that I retreated almost full-time to my DD's, except for what I really had to do.  I let 2 friendships lapse, even though I felt guilty.  After about a year, I was able to resume one, by telling her that it was just something I had to deal with & had nothing to do with her.  I never got a chance to tell my other friend any thing because he died.  I know he blamed him self, thinking he had said or done something wrong.  I still regret this so much.  If I had just called, or e-mailed or something to tell him it was not his fault.  I would think about just never calling someone again.  You might be doing them damage you don't realize.  Just write & say it's something you are going through; that you appreciated their friendship.

[Placidia]

@Laila: I actually also had a very similar thing to the anime club happen with me.  I was very briefly a member of the anime club at my high school.  It was really fun; all the people there were awesome.  But soon it just felt like too much work to go to, even though I really enjoyed it. 

 

I think the thing for me is that if I'm supposed to be doing something for fun, I don't want it to be scheduled.  Then it's not fun anymore.  I want it to happen whenever I feel like it, and to not be happening when I don't. :/

[Laila]

@littleschrodinger'scat: I think we know the same person. =P I befriended a girl in 6th grade, and we were close buddies until about...11th grade. I suddenly began to avoid her like the plague because she constantly wanted to hang out and talk about her stupid boyfriend troubles. We had nothing in common anymore. She would call my house a lot, text me, and also visit my house uninvited. My parents were frustrated too. By now, I've managed not to talk to her for a whole year, but she still calls and texts me. In fact, she called yesterday. I wish she'd just take a hint. *sigh* A part of me feels guilty though...cuz she was the only person outside of my family who called to wish me a Happy Birthday. But I just don't want to deal with her again... xD

And similar to your experience, Placidia, I thought I found my niche in the anime club. This outgoing, nice girl named Ash really liked me, and we happened to be taking the same class together. She introduced me to all her anime crazed friends and wanted to go to the anime convention together. Then I just started avoiding her... I'd always leave class quickly before her and stuff. I also left the anime club just after one week. *more sighing* xD

 

[littleschrodinger'scat]

When I was 11, I began to ignore my best friend of four years. Beforehand, we had talked at least once a week (we did not got to the same school, she lived approximately fourty minutes away) on the phone and hung out pretty much every other week. She was my only friend. Then I became obsessed with a televison show because I had based my world on it. I did not ever want to miss an episode (because it was a trigger), so if she called, I knew it was to schedule a time to come over, so I just ignored her calls. We went from talking weekly to not at all, so she would call over and over again (and I mean seven times in three minutes. I am not exaggerating). I began to find her annoying and started not wanting to be around her even more. I would not answer the phone (unless my dad forced me to). Eventually she got so fed up with being ignored, that she came to my house, uninvited. She waited outside the door for approximately fifteen minutes. I hid behind the couch. She left a letter in my mailbox. I didn't write back. We have not talked since.