I NEED My Dreams to Be a Reality

[Jennifer]

First of all, I just want to say thank you so much to Ms. Cordellia Rose for this lovely website. It helps me so much to have a safe outlet to come to and share my thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc., since my family members, boyfriend, and even therapist are completely in the dark about MDD. 

     I am Jennifer, a 21 year old college student who struggles with MDD. I daydream at least 3 times a week, and it is always JARRING to come back to reality afterward. I am SO unhappy with where I am in my real life, and it is highly depressing, often leading me to tears. I recently left my horrible and toxic serving job and am currently unemployed and struggling to find work (which I haven't been since I got my first job at 16 years old). I am struggling to pay my bills and am completely anxiety ridden over it. 

     I have created this wonderful idealized version of myself in my head. I call her Lizzie...She has everything in life that I never have and have always yearned for: friends, and a LARGE group of friends, money, fame, a beautiful romantic relationship with her boyfriend Max and happiness. She lives a wonderful life in a fictional place called North Shore, California and is working a happy and well-paying job in the music industry. However, this story has a tragic turn to it: she is suffering from a chronic disease and will die young. 

     I have thought that this story plot moves me so much that I need to publish it into a book so that other people can read this story I live everyday in my head. Hopefully they'll be moved by the sad story as well. I need to find a way to make it all come to life somehow. 

     Has anyone else written out their daydream plot in a story-like fashion? I started years ago and am still working on it. I do want to warn you, though, that this can also be a trigger. Can anyone relate to me? Is anyone else super unhappy with their waking life? Is anyone else depressed and just wanting to live in their head? I need help. </3

     

[Silver Swan]

Trick is. You can't daydream and make things real at the same time. You have to drop dreaming to make your life better. Dreaming is more wishful thinking than real live achievements.

[darmody]

I write fiction occasionally and used to make movies, but never transferred my daydreams into my concrete creations. Nor have I used daydreams to work out stories. Though I will steal an idea or two. 

The two realms, daydream and normal creation, I keep separate. I don't know why. I assume, however, that my daydreaming helps me be creative on some level. 

[Martha M]

 I looked into writing down my daydreams. But if you do you should be aware of something called ‘Mary Sue’ characters.   I have seen other names used as well. What it means is the main character, the Mary Sue, is always incredibly perfect and the secondary characters only exist to revolve around her. Honestly it does not make for good writing, a real story has to be more balanced than what we create in our heads when we daydream a perfect version of ourselves. 

[Jusssssss]

You are not alone jennifer. I feel the same. Life in ny head us just so good and better than my real life. It makes me depressed that i can never achive what i have in my daydreams. I will never be that perfect and it hurts. It just makes me depressed.