I'm Terrified That MD Will Ruin My Life

[Andrea]

I'm not sure if other people can relate to this, but I feel like I'm stuck in an inescapable cycle with my MD. 

I was always an ambitious kid when I was young and whenever I didn't accomplish what I wanted I would get depressed. And then I would daydream about what I would have liked to happened to cope with it. But then I would realize that it was just a daydream and not a reality, which would make me even more depressed so I'd daydream about something else to cope with that and so on and so forth. 

I'm in a love-hate relationship with my main daydream. I love it because it's everything I want in life but at the same time I hate it because it is the very root of my dissatisfaction with life. Over the past few years, my MD has gotten pretty bad and more and more intricate. I was able to control it a lot better in high school--although, not that well, considering all the math tests I failed. But now I'm in college, and I feel like it's becoming more and more compulsive. There could be a major exam the next day, and I'd feel so stressed about it that I'd end up daydreaming out of my reality to cope. I just can't control it anymore and I feel like I need some serious help. Possibly even medication. 

Anyways, my number one fear is that if I can't learn to control it, it's going to become so bad that I'll just be daydreaming my life away. And end up becoming miserable old woman filled with the regret of a million things she dreamt about doing but never had the courage to do. I can always forgive myself for the things that I've said and done. But I can never forgive myself for the things I didn't do or say. I don't want this to sabotage my life. 

Okay, I'm done spazzing about my quarter life crisis. If anyone has any advice on how I can control this better (preferably methods without medication, but if you know of any meds and what you told the doctor to get them, that'd be great too), success stories, etc, please please please do share! 

I want my life back. 

[Andrea]

Thanks for all your comments guys! It's a relief knowing I'm not the only one on this boat. Recently, after I discovered this site and read up on the condition, my daydreaming has sort of...evolved. Before, I used to daydream and think to myself "This is something that could happen in the future." And some part of me hoped the fictional characters I'd created were out there somewhere in the world for me to find at the right time (silly, I know). But now, I've admitted to myself that these daydreams (or fantasies, as I think is the better word) are just that. It's all in my head and it will never be true. Admitting that took a lot of pain, but now I don't feel like daydreaming as much after making that realization...or rather admitting the realization I was trying to avoid all this time :P 

[Jennifer]

Everyone, if we all stick together, we could all make it together. :) Good luck!

[Dusty]

Andi, I can relate to this exactly and it sounds a lot like what I go through. And I'm also afraid that if good things do happen, it won't seem that great in comparison to my daydreams. But most of all I'm afraid that I won't put effort in to cultivate relationships, as that is what I find most important and what I also struggle with the most.

[Ellie Hale]

I feel the same way. Words can not explain how scared I am of not living my life and living it in my head. MD really is an addiction and i think it's the worst addiction you could have because your minds always with you, so it's always temping to day dream.

[Jennifer]

This is ironic. I just posted a blog very similar to this one. You are absolutely not alone, I promise. I do the same thing, although, I am 14 right now, and that's not older at all. I have my whole life ahead of me, and I feel the same fear that you have described; That MD will ruin my whole life. I dream of such wonderous, beautiful things in my dreams. I daydream about my life-long dreams, and I fear I will spend eternity daydreaming about my life-long dreams, rather than chase them.