i'm sad. and i'm tired

and i just want to talk, you know? talk about everything i'm feeling but i can't talk to anyone. i can't talk about it with my mom without her freaking out and wanting to solve a problem that she can't and she doesn't understand. she doesn't understand me because she is also overloaded and it is also so difficult...

I don't have time for anything, I don't like and can't do anything at work, I can't stand college anymore, I can't stand my family and I just wanted to talk and just talk and talk and talk, I don't think I ever wanted to talk so much 

in my life. i don't want a solution (unless someone wants to give me a billion dollars) but i just wanted to talk a little. and i just feel my life slipping away from me and i'm getting more and more empty and meaningless and things around me are happening, with everyone expecting me to move on, that's the feeling i have. I don't want to be ungrateful because the many things they have done for me I could never thank enough some people, but I am also tired of feeling always in debt, with my friends, with my mother, with myself, I am always the one that fails. I wish I could ever win, but in truth I am always on the same page,

Things are changing and happening and it is easy to pretend to smile during the day but there comes a time when you can't do anything but smile, and not because you are happy, but because you are empty. And I see people and life pushing me to do things and even my psychologist everyone changing the subject and I just can't do it and of course I don't want anyone to stop my life for me or be totally focused on my problems but while everyone else is going on I feel like I'm falling behind. I'm falling behind and I'm losing things and ruining friendships and I can't even get desperate about it, sometimes it's even, comfortable, like a comfortable place to be behind. but sometimes it's so fucking heavy and i know how wrong it is to just dump it on people because it's wrong and selfish but maybe i really have gotten a little selfish because i just want to talk and talk and talk and cry until nothing i say makes sense. but i can't, so most days i smile. and when things get really hard i just say

i'm sad. and i'm tired.

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Comment by Valeria Franco on June 2, 2022 at 12:51pm

How are you, @Yelena Cheeli?

Everything you said sounds like serious depression, and that is not a choice, that is not a way to be, it's an illness that deserves help. And it should be your first focus and concern, it doesn't mean you will be left behind, just that you need to heal first. You come first.

Comment by Santos on April 24, 2022 at 8:12am
I don't know what to say... I just wanted to say that sometimes I feel the same

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