I have to be honest with what MD has cost me as well as how it helped me

[Kina Lowes]

I never thought of myself as really being THAT affected by MD, after all, i function can hold down a job, I'm very well liked, people look up to me, ...Now I am all of these things...so I've overcome right? Naaaah not really.

 

Me personally I dont believe in regrets, so I'm so grateful for my MD, if not for it I dont know what the hell I would have done. I was so damned lonely I may have offed myself if I didnt have my little world to escape too, where everything was alright, I always looked cool and I laughed ALL THE TIME.

 

I take a LONG time to do things tho...its really frustrating.  Like 4 hours to do something that should take me an hour and a half. And I procrastinate for weeks for something i should have done in a day. I'd rather put my reggae on full blast and daydream until it puts a smile on my face. I've found that I need to calculate time into my work schedule ( i work for myself)  in order to daydream. I only buckle down for deadlines.

I have to run around my house a million times before I leave the house and then I have to return back a few times because I forgot something. I feel like maybe I dont' deal with life head on like I should. When i'm embarrassed or hurt or scared, by dd's come in vivid color and full volume. They're like an adult pacifier.

 

 

I want this thing gone...and i'm really trying, but its soooo comfortable to be in my cozy little head with my little stories. Its sooo hard to let them go. What if i can't? 

 

I feel like MD USED to be there to help me overcome my loneliness. And NOW in a way it is making me more lonely than I should be.  I push away dates so I can sit and daydream at home...not the important ( I really like this guy dates), but I don't give a lot of guys a chance because they can't compete with the daydream.

 

whatever, I'm rambling. I need....I dont  know what the hell i need right now. I'm going to bed. :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kina Lowes]

I have to tell you guys it feels sooooo good to hear that other people go thru the same thing. I'm so glad you guys are here! :)

[debbie downer]

"4 hours to do something that should take me an hour and a half."

^ that happens to me all the time. -_-

[Winchester]

Agree to 100% of this! I know how you feel. ON one hand Md is the greatest escape and like you say it's so comfortable to go there! But it's also taking away your life in reality and your friends and wastes so many hours!! I often thought it would pass and i'd get over it but 3 years on and it feels like its taking over more and more o f my life.

 

"but I don't give a lot of guys a chance because they can't compete with the daydream."

Story of my life!!!