I hate being annoyed at myself, because no matter how much I want to, I'm stuck with me... Random venting

[Truthful Alibi]

Just me venting.

You probably wouldn't be interested in it... here it is anyway.

 

I really hate being angry or annoyed at myself because you can't get away from yourself. And because it's a certain time of the year, I am so annoyed with myself.

Firstly, for a reason I don't know, I am terrified of a type of bug that only comes out around this time of year, and normally likes to hide in grass, then fly up right in front of your face when you walk near them. Why can't they stay in the ponds!?

Anyway, because I'm so scared of a bug that I can't type its name, I will have to tell you which bug it is like this. A cr--e fly.

And since both my parents are working in the holidays, I've been forced to go up to my Nan's farm. Which is boring.

So I went up there today, and I normally sit in another room and read, draw, DD, whatever, but when my Nan and my brother go to walk the dogs round the fields, I normally go with them.

And I went with them today. Normally, it's an oppourtunity for my to DD, since I'm not actually doing anything useful anyway, but not today. because, unfortunately, fields have grass...so... at this time of year, grass means

cr--e flies.

So when I was trying to walk round the field, the flies kept flying (no, never!) and I was terrified of them.

In the end, I pretended I was too hot and told my Nan I was going back.

And now, I'm so mad at myself for being scared of a bug! Ooh, scary, what's it gonna do, fly at me!?

Sometimes, I get so annoyed at myself that I try to punch myself. Which I can't do, so I get more mad at myself. Etc etc.

Argh, why am I so scared of something that's barely 2 inches wide!?

Sometimes, if I could, I think I would STRANGLE myself for being like this.

Sorry about this, but I'm just so mad at myself.

[Truthful Alibi]

@hyperhero, I would read up on it, but you know how phobia related articles telling you how to get rid of your phobia always have massive pictures of tat thing that you can't avoid looking at while reading about it? That's why I don't.

@Dushyant, i don't really know how to get used to it, because it only appears around September - November, and I seriously can't control what my legs do when I see one. For once, my mind doesn't actually think about it. And my mind thinks about pretty much everything. I could look at pictures of them, but I've been basically forced to do that for about 30 minutes and the only thing that happened was I felt like I was going to throw up.

@TJ, yeah, I'll remember that I'm unique, just like everybody else XD. Sorry, I like that phrase.

 

As long as they don't come in my room or near me, I'll be OK. Possibly.

Although currently, as Dushyant will probably know, the thing that I am scared of is big spiders. They have always liked my room, but they seemingly have decided that my room is a good breeding place. XO

Considering the weather here in Cornwall right now, though, I can't say I blame them for wanting to come inside. Even as I type this, it's chucking it down. the spiders and crane flies would probably rather be in the middle of the ocean.

 

[Harry]

It is fine. Nothing strange about it. I have fears of small insects,lizards,cockroaches,creatures which can hop eg. frogs. Once a frog entered my room. I was so scared and spent the next 3 hours trying to get the frog out of my room. Thoughts of what the frog might do while i was asleep would not let me let the frog in my room. I was really psyched. Finally i  managed to get it out but felt guilty later. It was a small frog and would do no harm to me and i might have hurt it too. But the fear still stays. Fear of lizards has come down though. Perhaps i got used to them. There are so many lizards in my room now,of all sizes. I have no fear of them,got used to them now. So get used to this fly you are so scared of.

[Truthful Alibi]

I sometimes have to look for them in my bedroom, I always think they're flying around in there! And having and origami goldfish hanging from my ceiling doesn't help, because in the dark it looks like it could be one of them!

I would try to find something about them to admire, but I would probably have to reasearch them since I can't think of anything , but then I would be scared that I might see a picture of one of them.

What would ward them off? Maybe I should pretend to be my brother, they never seem bothered about flying into him...

I don't like spiders either, the smaller ones are OK (as long as they're not in a room that I have to be in). I also don't like 'spinners' as my Nan calls them, they have quite long legs and technically, they are spiders. If you blow on one of them it spins around. I think I must have a phobia of insect legs. Well, spiders are arachnids, but I'm sure everyone knows what I mean = P

I sometimes imagine if I could talk to them. I would just be telling them not to come near me because I was scared of them, and the cr--e flies would be asking me why I was scared of them, they were only flying around to get away from me, they were scared of me. Or something like that.

I don't like it when my night dreams decide to feature cr--e flies, or any kind of bug, because they're usually flying into me!

It's strange, actually, because even though I can't stand cr--e flies, I don't like them being killed. They didn't actually do anything to deserve it. Weird, I'm contradicting myself here. I think I'll stop typing now.

[J Noland]

I used to be very afraid of spiders. I would dream (a real asleep dream as opposed to a dd ;D) that there was one in my bed and I'd have to turn on all the lights, take off every sheet and blanket, carefuly inspect the whole room, then put everything back and try to go back to sleep. I am always walking into spider webs too, I used to freak out trying to get them off me. Then I started gardening and I started thinking of them as helpful. The ones I find in my house are "lost" and I will often scoop them up and put them outside instead of squishing them now. I guess I made friends with them. Except the really fast running ones, I still hate those! Daddy long legs are a particular favorite of mine. So delicate. Maybe you could find something about the cr--ne flies to admire? Or keep something with you that would ward them off like a talisman of something that is their enemy? I agree that having a bug just fly up and ambush you is not pleasant! It must be their only defence...see? they're so pathetic, trying scare a lovely lady like that!