How to stop Maladaptive Day Dreaming....

[McNamara]

Like most people on the forum, I've only realised there was a name for what I did whilst researching the subject online.  I've had MDD since I was a tiny child, in fact I can't remember ever not doing this.  I also have Social Anxiety and Avoidant Personality Disorder.  I've had the last two disorders confirmed by mental health professionals, but I've never mentioned the DD to anyone, even my psychologist - I honestly just felt it was too embarrassing and 'crazy'. 

 

Although I am still troubled by SA and APD, I have actively taken steps to manage them.  I've even finally come off the medication I've always taken as I am working hard to manage the conditions without pills.  It's a struggle at times but I do the best I can.  Now, I know many people on the site are happy with their MDD and even wish to encourage it, while others may wish to manage their MDD.  I personally wish to control or eradicate my MDD and I'm going to document my efforts on here.  I will blog as much as I can to show what I'm doing, what is working or not, and how I'm feeling about the whole MDD thing.  I would like to stress that if someone is happy with their MDD, great.  But I personally feel that I'm missing out on too much of my real life, and I want to change this.

 

I believe I have several issues with mental health for the following reasons:

 

1.  It may just be in my genes or be the luck of the draw.

2.  I was not looked after at all as a child (we were neglected, not washed, not looked after, hit, etc but were not what I would call abused in the sense of severe beatings or sexual abuse.  I used to be left in the house to look after siblings most nights from around the age of 3 or 4.  I was terrified and I think I may have started to MDD to cope with my fear or escape my surroundings.

3.  I was bullied unmercilessly at school (and at home) and used to DD to comfort myself and have company. Because of this I have very severe anxiety but I will push myself to go out socially, work without absence and generally try to interact.  I don't have a large social circle (it's really just my sisters and two friends) but I try my best.

 

My MDD will sometimes involve myself but generally I use a character.  The character is very different to me in terms of physicality, skills, and qualities but I aspire to have these skills, qualities and looks.  I love MDD because I can change anything I don't like straightaway and things work out - as we all know, the real world isn't quite as easy to control.  I love to imagine things happening to my character, good and bad and 'feel' her emotions.  I never confuse the DD world with reality.  I am just very worried that my life is passing me by without my realising dreams I could accomplish, things I want to do.  I'm also really worried that as MDD grabs more control over me (I find it ever more and more addictive) that it will affect real relationships and opportunities I have.

 

If I'm honest, I already feel sick at the thought of giving up or reducing MDD, but I know I will feel worse about myself as a person if I don't even try.  So I have to give it a shot. 

[Satchi R]

Your MD sounds so similar to mine.  I think the key is mindfulness and meditation.  It takes time but all things do.Where there's a will theres a way so don't give up

[McNamara]

Thank you both for your comments!  I agree, the MDD wa invaluable in helping me feel safe as a child - but it's time to move on.

 

[J Noland]

Wishing you luck and strength! J