Hello.

[Wakethenight]

I've been watching this site for awhile and have decided to join, because I want to stop MDing. I think if I track my progress up here it will help, even if no one ever looks on my page.  I've been doing it since 11(so it's been 14 years) and it has gotten really bad over the last two years. Everything seems to trigger it: music, tv, radio, reading, non strenuous exercise (because I skip or pace when I dream), quite moments, and anything that reminds me of my  storylines in my head. It's affecting my memory now...so I really need to stop.

It's frustrating because if I remove my triggers, what would I have left? I've also been doing this for a long time. I love reading and I occasionally write. My MDing fuels my writing, so If I stop..then what? What would my creative outlet be? My MDing is what fueled my interest in ancient history which became my major in college. So if i give that up, who would i be? That's what I am: the reader, the writer, and the historian.

But I can't seem to ever have a blank mind. I'm just tired, of always having something going on in my head. I also want to go to grad school and I know I will not be able to  if I can't stop this.

Yet, I love the post daydreaming high, it is irresistible, and I love my story lines. I want to try to break this on my own before I seek professional help. I managed to not MD for an entire summer when I was 17 by keeping extremely busy. I just don't think that's possible now, since my job is sort of monotonous and its real easy to slip.

[Wakethenight]

Thanks for your response. Video game design? How exciting! I could see how useful md could be with that. If I could write down one of my storlines in a cohesive manner onto paper instead of jumping around and getting  frustrated with not being able to convey the scenes properly, maybe I would be less annoyed. I think gaining control of it would be ideal, but I  thought I had control of it in the past and I did not. I like the sound of what you said about your goal: 'I'm the one in charge and it's not in charge of me.' If I can not get rid of it, at the very least, I hope I can get to that place too.