Happy living in dual worlds, it IS achievable :)

[New York dancer]

Hi everyone, I been floating around this site since I signed up a few days ago and it's fascinating to find so many heavy day dreamers like myself. I have seen this site before but only now I decided to engage myself to share. Got to say I enjoy reading your stories and understand all the Maladapative Daydreaming issues completely. Totally on board with you. 

But I noticed that most (not all) the of content posted by members on the site are kind of on the negative spectrum of MD. There seems to be an ongoing "anti-MD" thing happening here. Some heavy talk of "ending MD" and finding methods to destroy it like its a evil demon. They are some who want to even medicate themselves to be rid of this like its a deadly disease. But hey, there is an awesome side of this that I just want to shine light on for a minute. Because there seems to be a army forming against MD, I decided to join the other team and I'm going Pro MD all the way! I'm just hoping others would join on this side too because it's awesome. You guys have a gift, come and see it!

I am living proof you can live happily with MD. I have lived in dual worlds my whole life (one in my head and the other here with everyone else) and I found ways to make it work for me. I'm a professional NY dancer who not only performs but teaches dance. I have BA in English creative writing. I'm happily married to a computer tech guy. I have lots of close friends, a supportive family and I'm an active member of ongoing writer group. I have a bubbly personality, full on energy and I'm totally a social. Case in point is that yes, I live a very happy and productive life. And yes, it comes from my MD. I would never choose it any other way. 

I'm not going to deny the troubles MD has caused because of course it worked against me in the past. But what I came to understand is that it isn't so much the MD which is the problem. It's the addiction part that really does the damage. But I learned how to master it, understand it and made it work for me. There is a reason this other universe lives inside us, it serves a purpose and that purpose is different for each person. It's up to us to figure it out and remember it's part of you now matter which way you analysis it. It's mere existence is because of you.

I got to say, you guys have me captivated on this topic and I'm willing to explore all avenues to find all the ways that make this issue tick. Like I said, I activity live in and out of my head all day long. I'm a vivid dreamer both at night and during the day. Because of my MD, idea's pour out of me as natural as speaking. I also have this automatically way of analyzing things in many different ways. Not only has MD enriched me but it has also saved me from self-destructing times when my world fell apart. Yes, I have lots of insightful experience and I can go on for days just talking about it.

Instead of blabbing forever, go ahead and ask me how I was able to achieve happiness living with Maladaptive Daydreaming disorder. Ask me how it works. Ask me how I maintain balance. Ask me whatever. Go head and shoot. Challenge me if you would, for the benefits of this do out weight the bad. Happiness depends on perception. 

I'm not trying to change anyone here, I'm only hopping to spread positive energy and inspire hope to others heavy day dreamers like myself. 

[New York dancer]

@Leda: Glad your optimistic about keeping day dreaming in your life and wanting to find a way to make it more manageable. That right attitude really is the next step. Having a healthy outlook on yourself and accepting yourself is far more healthy that creating internal wars that go nowhere.

My favorite quote is "What you resist, persists" so in turn when you embrace, peace is achieved and harmony follows.  This is how I came to love my MD.

Anyhow, your going to have to practice on developing a "poker face" when you day dream. I had learned to do this at a very young age because I would randomly act out scenes taking place in my head. Oh, if only I could tell you all the times I got caught doing that. Hysterical memories! LOLOL

Learning the poker face is challenging. It involves being aware of your facial muscles and movements that come along with emotion. It might help to practice keeping a straight face in front of a mirror. Day dream and check in with your facial expressions every so often. Try your best to maintain total relaxation in your face despite whatever your thinking about. It takes some real practice but its a technique worth learning. It will save you from looking like a crazy person to others. LOL

But even after you learn to keep a poker face, some subtleties will remain with you when you are in a deep day dreaming mode. Subtle things like dancing eyes. It's when your eyes remain unusually fixated somewhere or when they dart around the room without a real purpose. People can pick this up so be mindful of that. The good thing is that people know this "dancing eye" thing is associated with thoughts so you can just pretend your really thinking about something else.

Don't worry if people ask you what your laughing about when your DD becomes funny. Just tell them you were remembering something funny that happened last week or whatever. If they want you to share, you can either tell them a random real memory of something funny or just tell them it was private joke that involved someone else. Be creative to get yourself out of a jam when you get caught acting out your MD.

By the way, your issue with being late and moving at a slow pace is an act of procrastination. The MD isn't to blame here. You are procrastinating. A crime we all do but some are more prone to it. People who don't day dream procrastinate all the time. This isn't a MD thing. Yes, your daydreamers are appearing when they shouldn't be and therefore making you bad at keeping track of time. But you are putting them there. You want them to occupy your time because unconsciously you don't really want to do or go wherever you are going. Obligations don't equal pleasures. Going to a job is a obligation, a act of work and duty to complete. If there is no element of excitement or passion there, then that can give us reason to procrastinate and for MD people that means day dream time. We procrastinate for many reasons and one of them involves "not really wanting" to do something so we make a excuse for it. We will push it to the side and do it later. 

My husband is NO day dreamer and he is the worst procrastinator I have ever met! Trust me. LOL

[New York dancer]

@Jennifer: Totally hear you and yes, it is totally trickier to pull time away with kids. But this is a problem for all parents not just ones who want to daydream. Every parent wishes that could have more time to read a full book, watch their adult shows, talk with friends for hours on the phone, have time for a social life or even go to the bathroom alone without wondering what the kids are doing. So while you sit and think "if only I could make more time..." just remember ALL parents want more time. For now, you just have to accept you never will have "enough" time because now your life revolves around the kids. That just comes with the territory of parenting. Just keep working on keeping your daydreams at certain times of the day but don't stay too long in your head because it will affect your life. Losing sleep will make you more miserable and this will also make daydreaming that much more enticing because your mind is trying to find that "happy relaxed place" since it can't get enough sleep. Consider taking a long bath once a week with music for DD time or something like that. Think of it like a treat after you had a long hard day at work ;). 

Remember, your asking for more time to day dream because that's your time to unwind and be entertained internally. There is nothing wrong with that. Every parent wants more personal time, it's not just you. Squeeze what you can manage "with time" like all parents do ;)

Hey, as kids age, time gets better. School keeps them busy, so does homework, after school activities and whatever else they want to do. They will pull away from you more and more naturally as they age. Soon enough they will get to an age when they don't want to hang around you. You'll get that time to day dream but your going to find yourself at odds missing that constant attention the kids use to have upon you. Babies and little kids love adults but Teenagers are another species!!! LOLOL 

I know this.

[New York dancer]

@Lewis: Of course I get addicted to it. Never said I that I don't. This is especially true when I want to mentally escape. I can spend days on end an addicted daydreaming spiral. But what matters is that I force myself to snap out if it. Even if that means asking someone to talk to me so that I can escape my own head.

I'm far more than just a causal daydreamer. Hey, I said I day dream ALL day because I have another universe going on in my head. LOL 

[Leda]

Hey guys
it was good to read that it is possible to be a daydreamer and to be focused on practical things at the same time. I envy you the ability to separate the two worlds cronologically.
For me the biggest frustration is not to be able to control when I daydream. Many jobs I had my issues were allways been to slow and being constantly late! The reason for both is that I daydream in whichever task I perform and that make me lose focus on timing.
I also have a baby who laughs when she sees me laughing while daydream. My fear is when she grows up amd ask me what am i laughing about like many people do!
Maybe you guys could be my inspiration in Being able to control when and where I daydream. It would be a good first step and an amazing milestone.

[JenBren]

MD is described as excessive daydreaming, to the point it can interfere with your daily life, and these daydreams are usually quite vivid. In my case, I must find about 2 hours per day (usually at night) to daydream and connect with my characters and story line. This need usually goes up under stress and is obviously my way of coping with stress.  

I am curious to know how sufferers of MD that have children fit their necessary daydreaming time into their daily lives and how many of these see the daydreaming as a positive or a negative. After I had my girls I was very frustrated with my lack of MD time, but eventually I learned to wait until they were in bed. If I need more time though, I find it almost impossible to find the time to sit and focus during the day. In these situations I find myself going with less and less sleep. Recently I joined the gym and there I can put on my music and dream away. That seems to be helping - if I can get there. 

For me it seems that the negative/positive factor is related to the ability to fit in the time I need and still maintain an active/involved life. I am not like others who need to pace while DD'ing, but I do need to stop and focus (usually with music), so grabbing a few minutes of time here and there throughout the day usually isn't enough for me. 

Hopefully this makes sense and I'm not just babbling, lol. 

[New York dancer]

Jennifer:  In response to your question, I maintain my day dreaming by going in and out of my head different times of the day. I slip fantasy dreaming when I do mundane activities like commuting, cleaning, organizing, running errands or waiting on line at the store. Basically, I squeeze whenever I have into practical time that doesn't require full my concentration. When I do engage in important things like teaching, performing or socializing with friends, that's when I shelf the day dream off to the side. I do this so I can stay present into whatever I'm doing. I don't let my day dreams interrupt me when I don't want them to. Once I close that door it stays shut.

IF I do crave more time to day dream then I will do something practical but take the longer route to complete it. For example: maybe I'll take the long way to my girlfriends house, take extra time preparing dinner, pretend to busy online, stay extra long on the tread mill or something like that. The truth is, I'm actually just creating more time day dreaming but still making it fit into my day. I love multitasking so doing this works well if your a serious day dreamer. The idea is to make it fit around you not the other way around. And if you really want some serious time for yourself ask for it. Sometimes I'll just tell my husband "hey, I need some me time for a bit" and I'll just relax for a while to pamper myself. People who don't day dream run to a TV, the internet, read a book, or just listen to music to relax. So why can't we just day dream? It really serves the same function:)

I too day dream before I go to sleep and before I get out of bed in the morning. It is the best time because that's when the world is quiet and you get that real alone time. At night I feel like I'm watching a bed time story and this is the way I have falling asleep since I was a child. 

About if my day dreams relate to what I do in my life, Hmm sorta yes and no. I day dream of characters I make up and throw them into mini-series/novella type stories. My role is just watch the story unfold in front of me, be entertained and have unlimited access to whatever I want to see and know. I can layer stories (like make new and old ones whenever) but I have specific story that has been going on forever. I don't star in my fantasies because I feel it defeats the purpose of escaping (that's just me). But some of my characters do carry my attributes or my interests. Not all, of course just some. I do take real world situations and put them into my stories just to see how my characters play them out. Sometimes if I have a dilemma going on in my life, I'll throw that dilemma into my fantasy so I can figure all the ways to deal with a specific issue. Later, I can apply that solution and feel better about my decision because I played with all the scenarios. I find it works with social interactions too. I'm resourceful. I make my day dreams work for me not just entertain me. Idea's, inspiration, creativity, problem solving and everything in between I can pull out of my extensive imagination :D

[New York dancer]

Jonathan Eagle: Your MD is a result of your life. I won't even question it. All throughout history humans have created what we needed to survive and function better. The same rule applies to you internally. If you lack happiness, then happiness will appear within you. If you cut your skin, your body find a way to heal you. I believe our minds are capable of doing the same thing. 

You created your internal universe to serve you in someway and you maintain it to continue it's function. The pull it has on you reveals the level of satisfaction you have in your own life. If the pull is heavy, strong and you purposely procrastinate just to dwell there, then chances are (more than likely) you are not living a life that satisfies you. You are not authentically happy. You are then going to go inside to escape and that's when the addiction part captures you. Your stories/characters will suddenly become super fun and awesome, in all not making want to leave. But you are doing it. That is not your MD. Your MD is only giving you what you ask for, a internal escape. 

Based on some of the information you shared, its clear that the unfulfilled issues in your life are keeping the MD engine on. Being unemployed is the absolute worst because finding a job is a full time job. It doesn't help are you also having some trouble connecting with others enough to establish some authentic relationships either. So I do hear you and all these are reasons you MD is active in your life. But that doesn't mean its a bad thing, it's keeping you afloat. Like holding your head up so you won't drown.  

I would not recommend thinking that your reality is a result of your MD because then you're only making a excuse. You and you alone dictate your life. You create your own obstacles and you over come them the same. In all situations, we all decide whether to fight or flee. If you own up your situation as your own, it will validate you, strengthen you and make you realize it all boils down to what you want. You are driving force. 

For now find more ways to be more fulfilled. Try a new hobby or a new class in something. Joining a activity based group is great way to engage to connect with others. Strike conversations with strangers, you never know who you might meet. Hey consider trying something you haven't done like sky dive or whatever. When there is a will there is a way.

Continue on dreaming but be mindful to pick up when it's coming at you too strong and make yourself snap out of it. Call someone on the phone (anyone) and make them talk to you just so you could get out of your head. The idea is create a happy medium. Part fantasy on your downtime/personal time and part awake so you can get stuff done to achieve what you want. You can have both :)

[New York dancer]

Nathaly: Yay, another awesome a happy dreamer ;D. Totally agree with you and I was equally as surprised to find so many with this stopping issue. From what I picked up, there is a war raging against the "addictive" element of DD. But somehow this "addictiveness" it's not getting the blame. Instead the attack is being redirected to DD/MD. It's a pattern I'm sure you'll pick up if you keep reading more and more stories. Thanks for sharing ;) 

[JenBren]

I am definitely pro MD. I could not have gotten through many difficult situations in my life without it and I honestly feel my life is richer because of it. On good days, I have control of my daydreaming and can keep it to evening/night hours. I am married with two young children and my dreaming begins as soon as everyone goes to bed. On bad days or during difficult times however, I need more than an hour or two at night and I find it frustrating when I cannot get the extra time I need. I am curious to know how you have such an active life and are able to control your daydreaming. How much do you do it? Are you always happy with the amount of dreaming you do? Do your dreams relate to what you do in your life or are they completely different? 

[Jonathan Eagle]

Let me start by saying that I too am truly pro maladaptive dreamer and that has allowed me to experience situations and adventures beyond human comprehension other than my own. It has helped me through depressing stages in my life and even if I die with no real achievements I can never say that I didn't have fun when my head is filled with such wonder.

Generally speaking however, MD develops in people whose reality is empty and become addicted to world inside their head because there is no sorrow, heartbreak or pain; only victory. I am truly glad to hear that you have a pleasurable life as well as MD but the addiction of the disorder has left my reality in tatters. I am academically intelligent achieving a 2.1 in law recently but getting a job is a different task entirely and like 1/3 of graduates I am unemployed.

Socially I'm not great either, while I am not anti social or anything I have made no 'true' friends in years. I've met and made acquaintances in uni clubs, study meetings and coursework assignments but it goes no further than that. This level of isolation has caused me to fall into the trap of MD as it is so much more tempting to simply drift into fantasy than to rather face my own reality.

I am not hear to give you a sob story, I am merely leaving you a question as to whether you believe that my reality is a result of MD of the MD is a result of my life. I've lived with it all my life and I never want to let it go because it who I am but I cannot fault any other who sees it as a ruiner of lives because it is an eternal safety net to protect a persons mind from their own lack of achievements.

The most fascinating part about the disorder is that it is split down as whether it is good or bad. I for one am proud to be a MD as without it I would be a far more bitter human being. I gives me a great hope that a person such as yourself can have a happy reality and still fantasise but it does make me wonder whether people sacrifice my MD for a marginally happy normal life. For me, it's definitely a no. Ignorance is bliss.