Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Hello everyone. This post will probably tell you nothing new, but I wanted to say hi and write a bit about my experience.
Like some of you, I am a very shy person. Not really sociable and insecure also. I had no friends during childhood and I was bullied in high school (although at least there I found my first real friends). My daydreaming began as fanfiction of books or movies or even videogames, but I gave it so much thought in the end I would twist so much the plot I would make them my own. This has been going on until today.
I have had periods of my life where I fantasized much less, and I finally recognised the triggers. Last year I enrolled on a master's degree which turned out to be much less interesting than I thought, leading me to a sort of depression; and because of the master I became an intern in a bank. It sounds great to everyone at first, but believe me, it's not. My job is completely dull and my coworkers are awful. They never try to interact with me just because I'm an intern and I'll be gone in a few months. At least, when I was studying, I saw my friends everyday. But now I spend eight hours a day in a hostile environment and in almost complete isolation. That's when my daydreaming finally trapped me. It's a job I can do without giving it much thought, so I daydream all day long, so I can escape from this reality... So I guess that is what triggers my daydreams.
Wikipedia is the only internet page I can visit in my job, so one day in my free time, reading about mental illnesses and psychology, I found the article on maladaptive daydreaming. I couldn't believe it. It described exactly what I was going through. And so I began my research and I found this community.
About the daydreaming itself... I don't think of it as a bad thing for starters, but right now I feel trapped. I feel like I have no control over my thoughts, I have a feeling for emptyness in real life. I can't live my dreamed life behind because I'm scared of finding out who I really am apart from the fantasy. I find difficulties on finding a better job because I can't concentrate in anything and I feel like I forgotten everything I've learnt during the degree.
Still... I want to make the best of it. I thought of maybe starting to write the stories I come up with. I also hope to meet new friends here! I'm sure all of you are fantastic people. I don't know you, but I feel less lonely now that I've joined this community.
So... end of monologue. Sorry it is so long, I completely understand if you don't read it... But after years and years, I finally have a chance to express myself, I couldn't miss the chance!
Greetings and pleased to meet you all! Thanks for reading!