First time here - My story.

[KillzF]

(English isn't my mother language so if i spell something wrong, sorry)

Ever since i knew myself i was a lonely kid, bullied in school ever since first grade, in my kindergarten i was the crybaby, and even my family disapproved of it and always had pointed out how i was emotional and easily depressed. My brother said that ever since I was 5 I was too anxious for a kid. 

I’ve always liked games and histories, and it’ll be important, cause, without friends, my mind of 6 years started to think of these characters of my favorite games and cartoons as my friends, like imaginary friends (and i thought they were just imaginary friends for a lot of time). I dreamed of how they were funny and friendly. They ate with me when I was alone in the refectory and supported me when I cried. I created complex histories for them, partners, sexualities and characteristics. They changed with time, it stopped being just characters and started being original creations. I had one specific fantasy in 6th grade (the worst year of bullying of ALL). A character I loved appeared in my classroom and sat on my side, he talked to me and joked with me, and protected me from bullies. I drew this scene on my old notebooks and always wished it was true. 

When I was 11 years old I started to think it all wasn't normal, “I shouldn't have imaginary friends being so old” (i thought i was really mature), but they always had been there. All of my phases, all of the bad moments. They were the ones I told my most incredible stories and (as a teacher in ascension) explained everything interesting I knew. At 12 I gathered up courage to tell this all to my best friend, cause it was a secret i hid from everyone since i was 9, and she told me it was normal, and she also did that sometimes. I said “Oh, maybe I'm just too hypochondriac and autodiagnostic isn't cool..”.

 At 13 I noticed a pattern in my fantasies. They all were pretty people with diverse

sexualities and appearances, but they all had friends and something to be proud of. Now i fantasize a lot about a mom of 31 years, she has a great husband and two little kids, a lot of friends, she is the most beautiful woman and most intelligent of all. Something I will never be, loved and pretty. I mean, in reality i was the girl next door, no one cared about me anyway, in this world i was incredible. My characters are fragments of my traumas, Yuki was bullied and is daughter of two homophobic parents, Willow had bulimia and extreme low self esteem, Anne was neglected, Suzy is a crybaby and Navy is the perfect model of best friend i never had. But even with all this, they were loved by their child, their friends, partners or family, which does not happen in real life. People are afraid of getting too close to people with mental health issues. 

Now  I'm 16, and I can't do anything without fantasizing. I spend hours on basic things and even when I don't want to, I do it. Nothing really bad happens when I spend a lot of days without doing it, but when I come to some kind of limit without daydreaming I have to spend some hours listening to music to suppress it. In two years I'll be a total grown up in my country, and it isn't normal. So I discovered it is a disorder with a name and a group center with a lot of people telling their experiences. For the first time in my whole life I felt like I wasn't crazy, I just had a problem. And it physically makes me feel bad: dizziness, headache, a weird anxiety-like feeling, and dissociation. 

But I don't know how to stop, I will be glad to hear some tips <3. Thank you.

[Kave]

My dear friend I understand you completely, it is a mental disorder, you can leave it alone, I used to think the same as you and I am still suffering. Faqs, try to rebuild your mind bit by bit, 19 years old from Iran

[Yukia]

That's possible. But even if she misunderstood you, it's still helpful to open up about it and insist that it's a problem for you that makes you feel isolated.

MD itself isn't curable. Again it's just fantasies that you're supposed to have as a human being with imagination. You have to dig deeper. If you have severe anxiety and low self-esteem, you need to start working on that. Then look into keeping a record about your daydreaming and reward yourself every time you succeed to resist it, etc.

[KillzF]

Yukia, my friend told me that sometimes is normal "play pretend". But i thing they understood me wrong at the time, it is more serious than that...

Thanks for commenting :)

[Yukia]

Thanks for sharing your story.

Your fantasies aren't the problem. I gathered that your family chose to gloss over your anxiety since they noticed it instead of addressing it like responsible people.

What about that friend who told you they're doing the same? If you're still in touch, might be worth a shot to reach to her and try overcoming it together.