Fear of loneliness

[Alison]

Hi! I've been on this website for about half a year but this is my first blog post here.

Maybe, that's because I've  never felt so frustrated before. I always thought that my future would be better than my present. And no, I wasn't simply talking about it, I really tried to improve things. But nothing ever seemed to work.

My biggest problem is communicating with people. It seems almost impossible for me. I have some friends (which I found very surprising), but these are friends I've already known for some years. We were studying together at uni, but now I graduated, which means we won't be able to meet up very often. And talking to new people is something I can hardly manage. I don't know what to talk about and feel completely foolish. And I don't even now what to do about it. I tried to turn to a psychologist, but maybe I have simply chosen the wrong person, I dunno. At first what she said was helping, but then it stopped working and actually I didn't like the way she behaved. And she also kept saying that I didn't work hard enough. Yeah, maybe she was right. Still, I usually ended up blaming myself for not working hard enough, and of course it only made things worse.

Maybe, I'm just too afraid to become lonely. I had no friends when I was a teenager. All the friends I have I've found at uni. So, maybe, these years I spent alone made this impact on me. But I also don't know how to get rid of this fear too. The psychologist didn't help here either.

And the biggest problem is a relaltionship. And here goes something I really don't like talking about: I'm 22, and I've never been in a relationship. Even talking about this fact I feel embarrassed, because I realise that it's not normal. And I cannot even imagine myself in a relationship. Most of my DDng is about love and relationships, but I'm never a part of the story and I can't even imagine myself as a part of the story.

Graduating from uni is like the end of the world to me. Now I need to find a job, then I already see how boring and stupid my life is gonna be. I'm just so afraid of remaining alone for the rest of my life but this is the most probable outcome of the situation.

I don't even mind DDng anymore, and I don't want to give it up. When I try to give it up, I become too depressed. That's another vicious circle, I either DD or become depressed.

I don't even know why I've written it here. I know I may be complaining too much. This forum is the only place where I can talk about myself and my problems freely, anyway.

[amy]

So strange to see that i can relate to uh to some extent. I am also 22 with no relationship ever but cmon drs niothing to embarrased in tht.
Its better to be single thn in a wron relatinship or in one where you dont love the person.
start accepting the reality and work on ur communication skills drs are many classes which offer uh that.its better thn going to any freak psychologist.
u have just got one life make the est of it and make peace with the past 

[Reza]

when i read the posts on this site it makes me laugh how much we have the same feelings and thoughts.

my dear friend i have the exact same situation and feelings as you.i'm 22 and most of the friends i have now are my friends from high school.i'm not in a relationship,become depressed really easy  and so many times i feel really useless and thinking that i'm22 and i'm wasting my life and still havent figured my problems out just freaks me out.

MD is destroying my life and i still couldn't  find a way to deal with it.i cant concentrate on my lessons and even though i try really hard it's possible that next term i get dropped out of the uni.

i've never asked for anyone's help because i don't want to admit that i have problems.

i guess the only difference between us is that i'm certain that i'm gonna figure it out.or i think i'm certain.i don't know.

just don't give up.improve your self confidence.confidence is the key.and  i figured most of us daydream because we're avoiding sth.don't run.face your problems.

Good luck .

[Alison]

I just see that people are never interested in me, and I don't even know why. Maybe, there's really something wrong with me, but I can''t even imagine what exactly. Or, maybe, I'm just too boring.

As for a relationship, I'm already almost sure I'll never even have one.

[Roel]

We all seem to have problems with loneliness :/

I guess the only thing you can do is just appreciate the people around you, and hope they appreciate you too.

Our lifes have a lot of stupid aspects, but they are not stupid in total. You will find people that will make your life less stupid and that will stay with you ;) You just have to be strong, to be patient for as long as it takes. Focus more on the people you meet than on the people you made up. Be strong, and maybe fill up the emptyness with something fun like a hobby.

and try to contact your friends from uni ;)

[Alta Morden]

That does seem to be one of the fears those of us who DD have.  Like you, for me it is absolutely enormous, I fear it beyond most else.  That I have some friends now (finally!) I consider such a gift.

[Jui]

I would not go that far and say you are doing something wrong. It is just the way you are (and most of us are). Therefore we just have to work with whatever we have. Maybe you just have to find the “right” motivation to do all that.

I guess you can always look for a new psychologist and see how that is going and writing thinks down is really an easy activity to do whenever you have five minutes. 

[Alison]

Hi, Jui.

Thank you for reading my blog and replying. I really feel better after talking with someone about this. I never talk about how I feel with people in my real life (because I don't really want them to know that I'm just a total loser).

I have some thoughts that maybe I'm doing something wrong. Maybe, if I start doing things in another way, the situation will change. But 1) I don't know what exactly I'm doing wrong; 2) I doubt I can ever change. Probably, I'll try to find another psychologist, I don't know. I just don't see any solution.

As for writing down things, thanks for the idea. I don't know whether it's gonna help, but there's no harm in trying.

[Jui]

Hi there

I just read your Blog and it just felt like I had to reply! I am 23, I graduated from Collage, study at uni now and know exactly how you feel!

A few days ago I had a down moment where I really felt lonely, like nobody cares about me and whatever I do I will never be able to live the life I would be happy with. I read uncountable posts in this forum and articles in the internet. I have often tried to change things in my life, to quit DD, to eat healthier, to make new friends but it never really worked.

But I guess we just have to keep trying and keep reaching for goals we may never achieve. I for myself started to write down all the things that I would love to do or to be and I write down every day what I accomplished and it helps me a lot to see that things are actually changing even though it may not feel that way.

I know it is way easier to say but don´t blame yourself. It´s not helping :)