Family drama

[Angela E]

So, I went to visit my family for a couple of days this weekend.  I got there in a pretty good mood.  Things have been going pretty well for me.  I left just feeling...not terrible, but so frustrated.  A lot more negative.  My mom pretends to be so happy and enthusiastic on the outside, but then she makes all of these little passive aggressive jabs at me, covering them up with so much fake sweetness.  I know I'm not perfect and have made mistakes.  I wish I worked harder and didn't waste any time DDing, but I try.  I've made so much progress, and a lot of big goals I've set for myself are finally happening.  My family says they are all proud of me, but then in the same breath they criticize.  And even when I tell them that what they say upsets me, they apologize, say they didn't mean to, and then CONTINUE.  It is so frustrating.  They say they support me in one breath and then in the next breath hint that it's such a big burden to do it.  I already feel bad enough that I need any help financially from them, and even though I've talked with them about it, they just constantly bring it up.  I feel like yelling at them that maybe I would be further along in my life if they had actually come out of their rooms, I don't know, sometime between my ages of 8 and 18.  Maybe talked to me once in a while, explained how to find direction in my life, things like that.  Helped me avoid mistakes.  I know they did the best they could, and they regret a lot of things, and I am not trying to make excuses for myself, but seriously.  I'm sick and tired of beating myself up about things I haven't accomplished and goals I haven't reached yet!  SICK of it.  I don't need anyone else to do it for me.  And I just feel like people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.  Last time I checked, no one in my family was perfect.  I'm not either, so sorry if it offends them.  I think I've done pretty freaking well, all things considered.  I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm taking the right steps.  I want to live more in the real world and less in DD, and I'm doing that one day at a time.  

I'm just so sick of the negativity and of feeling like I can't just enjoy my life now.  I'm sick of feeling guilty about things.  I'm sick of having my mistakes subtly brought up over and over again.  I feel like no matter what I do, and no matter where my family is in life, they are just always going to find something to be negative and worry about and complain about.  God, why can't people just try to actually enjoy life?  Enjoy being around each other?  Decide that we only have one life, so we might as well embrace it instead of talking about all the things we don't like in it?  I mean, it's not like any of our (as in my family's) lives are that bad.  Really, we've all got it pretty good.  It's just so draining to go around people and have all that negativity about me and my future dumped in my life.  Like, no matter how hard I've worked, they just have to imply that my hopes for the future are not going to pan out.  Sometimes it just feels like I'm battling up hill alone.  

[Pascale]

Don't take an offense you do not need to. Take a step backward and be an observer.

I got this from a family-therapist. It did not save my marriage but it help me a lot. Most of the time when people criticise you they have a problem, not you. Try to switch role. Be the one to be supportive to other people. "So good at you can help me financially. It means so much to me..." Perhaps they will change, and if they don't it is not your fault.

You are a nice person, not perfect but you are all right. Sorry I, a perfect stranger, have to say you this when your family fail to. The good things in your life are not just things that happened, you made them happened.