The other day I had a moment of clarity about my life. I looked at myself and thought, what the heck have I done with my life. Nothing. Nothing at all really. So then, of course I have begun to DD at every possible moment. When I don't have to be engaged in life, I am off in my mind.

Sometimes, I think that DD cripples me. Sometimes, I feel like it saves me. I guess it truly is an addiction.

Usually, I have no desire to stop because it feels harmless to me. A few days later, I think that it stops me from accomplishing anything in my life. I cannot explain the confusion I feel about this.

How can it be so empowering and yet so draining at the same time? Can anyone else relate?

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Comment by Mill on December 18, 2012 at 5:22pm

Just like you I will get a revelation about life. Quickly, I'll become flooded by waves of Euphoria as I contemplate everything that I need to do, and exactly how everything must be done. All of my problems are recognized and I will know exactly what I need to do to fix them. My body is creating energy to expend for all of the task that I need to accomplish, temporarily. It all disappears when I fade out of dream world and back into reality.

I have these theory's about MD. One of them is that we can experience manic/depressive episodes much like those with Bipolar. Our episodes are generally MUCH shorter than those with Bipolar. It's almost as if all of our energy disappears the second we have to put our physical and mental attributes to work. If we are lucky enough to get past the first hard push to get ourselves moving, it ends in 1. Life did not follow your perfect plan resulting in failure. 2. A new revelation from DD has emerged and you no longer to pursue that dream.  

Comment by Hana Lucy on December 18, 2012 at 7:44am

It's an addiction which is too good to be true because the 'negative effects' don't seem too bad at the time (until you look back on what you could've done). But the positive effects sometimes seem to out weigh the negatives for me. One things for certain, and I think a few people can relate, you very often don't want to get help to stop DDing. It's a safety blanket at difficult times.

Comment by LJ on December 17, 2012 at 9:50pm

Right?! I wasted my whole 19th year of my life dding.  I rarely left the house that year.  Partly 'cause getting out in the world and really being on my own scared the daylights out of me.  I was just safer to live in the other world. 

EludeMyFantasies is right: In my life right NOW I am no less productive with the dding.  Sometimes I don't dd and then I catch myself.  Lately I have been counting up the days that I don't dd.  Usually there are 2-3 days in between bouts. 

 

Comment by taffle on December 17, 2012 at 7:52am
I don't think DD is draining, but it can be empowering because when I'm feeling depressed or suicidal in real life, DD helps me escape into a better world.

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