embarrassed by things I daydream about

I am struggling with a problem lately. In the past, I have always daydreamed about people that weren't real. Actors, or characters I make up in my head. But in the last year, I have daydreamed about a man I know. I am very attracted to him, but until recently, it was not a problem. Then over the last couple of months I have been seeing this man more in social situations. Talking to him (always with others in a group). It made me like him even more. ( But I am in a relationship with someone else and have been for 10 years. ) But now my daydreams about him embarrass me. Like I'll have a daydream about him (sometimes romantic in nature, sometimes just a conversation) and then I'll see him the next day and feel weird when I do. Like I can't look at him or something. I KNOW that the daydreams are not reality and that the things I am imagining are not real. Also, I know that I really don't KNOW this guy that well, and that part of my feelings for him are made up feelings from daydreams. I like to think that I actually don't like him, but a character loosely based on him. But it is starting to get to be too much for me. I think that if I avoid him, I'll stop daydreaming about him. I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't want to feel so nervous or anxious around this guy (I see him every day). I want to go back to daydreaming about people I don't know. Help!

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Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on October 30, 2010 at 8:01pm
First of all, even people who don't have Maladaptive Daydreaming do this.........and they find it perfectly normal. Lots of people, in relationships or not, fantasize about other people. It's normal to be somewhat attracted to a new person.......especially before you get to know them, while they're still untainted by the realities of whatever quirks they have. He's still a clean slate, so he's whatever you want him to be. I'm sure if you ask any of your girlfriends, they'll tell you they've done the same thing.

Second, it's probably even more common among Maladaptive Daydreamers. There was a similar blog by someone else awhile back. She felt embarrassed and guilty about daydreaming about people she knew. My daydream world is 99% fictional, but because my main character represents me, I'll introduce her family and friends to real people on occasion in my dreams. It's normal to me. I mean, if she's a greater version of me, why wouldn't I want her family to meet her new friends? I bring them home to her family just like I would my own if I had one. It does feel a little weird to me, but I have to force myself not to feel guilty. I mean what exactly are we doing wrong? EVERYONE daydreams and fantasizes a little. The difference with us is how much we do it & the fact that we often make up our own fictional characters. I'm sure if you polled everyone in the world, most if not all would say they do the exact same things we do except on a much smaller scale.

I actually live pretty openly about my Maladaptive Daydreaming. I've forced myself to tell anyone who would listen, just for practice, and you know what I've found? Almost EVERYONE can relate. I just told my 2 classmates about it the other day because I'm writing about this condition for our class, and they were fascinated. BOTH of them said they did the same thing & could completely imagine what we do. Sure they don't do it all the time like we do, but the concept didn't surprise them at all.

So, yeah, we're a little different, but that doesn't mean we're defective. We're certainly not doing anything wrong. I mean think of all the addictions in the world and the harm they cause. Daydreaming has got to be the least offensive addiction I've ever heard of.

I hope this helps. There's nothing wrong with you or what you're doing. You can do too much of anything, so just keep an eye on it like anything else. Otherwise, enjoy it. It's perfectly normal (and I mean that in a good way). :)

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