Don't Want to Quit But I Can't Keep Living Like This

[Brooklyn Thorpe]

It seems like everyone else here knows when it started. I have no recollection of a time before this or when the first time would have been.

Unlike many of the other stories I've read, I am not a part of this elaborate, persistant, addictive daydream world. I don't exist in this world in any remote way. It's just a place I create and watch voyeristically with intermittent severity.

This place isn't better than the one I live in. The people who populate this world face many more difficulties in their lives, and the daydreaming usually revolves around how they work through those difficulties.

I go through bouts of excessively disruptive daydreaming lasting months at a time. This last bout has been especially debilitating. I can't focus on anything - can't focus on work, can't focus on my writing, can't focus on keeping friends, can't focus on time I spend with my boyfriend...

It's not like I need an escape from my life. I have a great family, a gorgeous boyfriend, and a fun, awesome job (which I'm afraid of losing if I can't get it together and fast - if I can't stop daydreaming).

It's so hard to get motivated to stop, though. It's a part of me. It's a part of what I know to be life, even if a make-believe life.

I feel incredibly conflicted and helplessat this moment. I'm spiralling out of control and I can't find the motivation to stop. So what if I lose my job? I just spend my time daydreaming anyways. All I really need money for is food and rent. But that's crazy talk and I know it. How did I get so f---ing crazy?

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

That sounds very familiar. I've been daydreaming pretty much all my life, as far back as I can remember. I remember doing it as young as 3 or 4.............but I don't know when it started. My daydreaming comes in phases. I do it all the time, everywhere I go, but whether or not it consumes all my time when I'm at home is the difference. There are phases where I'm able to work & daydream on the side. Then something interesting happens & it spirals out of control. It completely takes over. The only way to get out of it is to really distract myself with something new & interesting enough.......but this world is so alluring that nothing's really interesting enough when I'm in deep.
I work out a LOT of problems in my head as well. My characters lead full, complicated lives. It's never very simple, and they talk about everything. They don't sweep things under the rug. My character makes them deal with every issue. This is part of the gift of this condition. We really think things through. Have you ever noticed that an issue will come up in the real world that you've dealt with in your daydreams.............and the answer seems maddeningly simple? We work it out, so by the time it comes up, we've already answered all the deep issue regarding it. The only problem then is making people understand............but if they do, they look at you like you're some wise genius from a mountain top. Lol. It sounds like your daydreams are really productive. How many people spend their free time working through issues in their head like that? I agree that if it's affecting your life like that, and I understand completely because I go through that too, then you need to figure out some way to distract yourself out of it or just get it under control. No one's telling you to quit. I don't know anyone around here who wants to quit. Those of us who've lost control just want it back. Thanks for sharing. We're here for you.