Distant Love? (becoming not so distant)

[Lauren M]

Goodmorning,

So, I've shared the story about how my MD came about. Now, I feel I can talk about more current events. I've been in an on and off relationship with a guy since my senior year in high school. It started out as a fling. It was strictly sex based. At some point he started to feel deeply for me and over the years he's expressed it more and more. Even after I moved out of California and ventured out into the military, he still called and checked on me. I appreciated having someone do that for me because for so long I felt I was forgotten about, especially by men. I felt I was only meant to be someone's associate. I never would've guessed in REAL LIFE someone would fall for me. I will admit that recently (6 years later) I've developed deep feelings for him as well, but now I live in Ohio and he's still in California. He wants to move to Ohio to be with me, but here's the problem; I've never lived with a lover before because of MD. Distant love is easier for me because of my problem. I'm afraid it will ruin us. I'm afraid I'll push him away and turn this very sweet thing called love into a disaster. I don't want that to happen. I guess that's another reason I so desperately want to toss MD out the window. I need love and love is knocking at the door, but I keep ignoring the knocks to engage in fantasizing. I simply cannot do this to him. He cares so much. So far I've been doing ok.

1. When I realize I'm daydreaming I tell myself out loud "You're daydreaming. No more daydreaming!" It halts it. For more severe cases I have to fight with it, but I've been winning lately.

2. When listening to music, I sing along in order to keep my mind focused on something so that I don't veer off into fantasy.

3. During idle time I use "medicinal" herbs ;-) which open my mind. Everyone is different so it may not work for you, but it helps me understand everything that's going on within myself.

4. I clean, cook or try to learn something new. I often find myself playing with a Rubik's cube. Whatever it takes to stay in reality. I also talk more with people. I actually initiate conversations, which is a mile stone for me because I've always been the Queen of Shy-ville.

5. When nothing else seems entertaining enough, I play The Sims 3. I've never been addicted to video games and I'm still not, but I like playing The Sims.

...I'm also thinking of taking boxing lessons. I have a lot of anger inside that I need to release. Also it's good for self defense, being a woman in all.

Please share your thoughts. :)

[Lauren M]

Thank you @dream lover. I've been doing far better since discovering MD had an actual name (about a month ago) and this site. I'm optimistic about it so I might just tell him about md. It may not be necessary. I'll see how things play out in the beginning and decide from there. You're 19? I thought I was a youngster, I'm 24. Well, I'm excited about my relationship, but I'm anxious because it's a new concept to me...the living together part. I think the fears are illusions. I think the reality is it CAN be done if only I learn to love my reality and have respect for my real life and stop putting so much into daydreaming. I know for a fact that daydreaming isn't helping my life. It's a coping mechanism I developed at 9 or 10 years old to mentally survive misfortunes. However, over time, I've drifted into more positive situations where I no longer need to tune into fantasies or create anymore characters. At this point, I need to develop my own character and have more respect and love for myself in real life.

[dream lover]

Ask him to read about MD,if he knows and understand or even try to understand and still wants to go for it,then you two probably have a good chance of getting together.
I dont know if you should try to stop daydreaming so hard,i remember you said that you were out of it and after sometime it hit you back really hard(in your other post).you surely dont want it again.if you to decide to get together then you might want to start slowly,relations can be great if it goes well or it can make life hell if it goes the wrong way(sorry,but its true). But it would be wonderful if it works out,i think it might actually stop MD(love is blind..... :) :) ) . I dont know if i made any sence,i'm just 19 and i dont have any experience myself. I'm saying from what i have seen in life.

[Lauren M]

Thanks, I was thinking boxing would be a great way to release tension. I don't want to explode on people anymore.