Where wild minds come to rest
Hello ^_^ This is my first post here , so forgive by now any possible mistakes I may make.
So. . . I dont really know what to say...(This looked better when i daydreamed it ._. )
Currently there are a lot of bad things going on in my life: fights at home , bad grades , heartbroken , losing dear ones , etc.
So because of all of this suffering and pain I think I might have got depression as well. It's been going on for months actually.Sometimes it takes ''breaks''. . . I can act normal when there is nothing bad happening to me. But i became very sensitive. If someone bullies me at school *happens very often* I immediatly go home and cry.. .And want to kill myself , find myself worthless , etc. Even If I drop a pen on the floor I start to think how worthless I am. And the fact my parents also yell at me so much and act so cold does not help at all.
You may wonder: What does this have to do with MDD?
Well , lately I've been daydreaming more often than usual...Even now I am .I found out I have MDD like a year ago.I wasnt sure at first , but now i know i have it.I have it since i was VERY young actually, mother told me that I used to pace in the yard for hours without stopping and people thought I was retarded or something xD.
Everytime I feel very depressed I often daydream about either things like suicide , killing myself , how would it be if i died , how would it be to die , etc. or I daydream about having a nice life. , without everything that makes me suffer.
The fact I am daydreaming this much is affecting me: I forget to do my homework , i cant study , i cant do anything. Of course , it was difficult for me even before , but now its almost impossible.
Everytime I search on the internet for a depression cure (aimed at teenagers) it says: Find an adult you trust, seek for a friend's help , etc.
But I dont have such a thing.My relationship with my parents is terrible , and I dont have any close friends. I dont have anyone to ask help from.
So..I dont really even know why I wrote this.Probably I'm just searching for some people to comfort me.Maybe give a solution of some sort.
Do not say a therapist or councelor ,my mother would never let me go to one , and I do not wanna go either. .
I am a 14 year old girl , if that matters by the way ^_^
Excuse my grammar mistakes , and thank you for wasting your time reading this ._.
tl;dr : I dont like my life , im depressive and i daydream too much, and i dont know what to do.