daydreams and real-life relationships

[debbie downer]

for as long as i can remember, my daydreams have involved romance as a main theme. and for as long as i can remember, i've been desperate for a relationship. "boy crazy" doesn't even begin to describe me. when i go somewhere, my first thought is always i hope there are cute boys. when i'm not daydreaming, i'm almost always thinking about boys and how i can get a boyfriend.

in spite of this, i am eighteen years old and had never been in a relationship until about a month ago. i had never even liked a guy who liked me back until now. 

my main daydream character is a guy. i made him to be my dream guy. literally. (get it??? dream??? ha ha ha) 

but since i got a boyfriend, my daydreaming has decreased. it's still there, but i spend a lot of time thinking about my real-life boyfriend rather than daydreaming. it's really strange and not something that i'm used to. 

one of my biggest fears has always been losing my daydreams. i mean, sure, my daydreaming is an inconvenience a lot of the time, but i think it does more good than bad. it's something i enjoy doing. and i don't ever want to wake up one day and suddenly be unable to daydream. that scares me. 

but i've also always told myself that i need to stop daydreaming by the time i'm engaged or at least married because i'd feel guilty that i'm cheating on my husband with my main character. 

i don't know. just some thoughts. 

i hope you are all doing well. if we are around the same age or your daydreaming sounds similar to mine, please message me. i'd love to talk.

[ILivin MyHead]

My DD subsides for awhile when I'm in a real relationship but always returns to help me cope through a break up. I accept this as a gift. There were times when  I DD'd so much that I thought I might be going crazy, but the longer I have this thing, the more I learn how and when to properly use it. It doesn't control my life, it is part of my life and I embrace it.

[debbie downer]

" I kind of have to replay or mentally reenact the situation in my head afterwards, or the next day, in order for it to feel real and for any emotions to happen." same here!!!

thanks for your replies, guys

[Dusty]

I've been in this exact situation. The daydreaming definitely ebbed to a near halt when I got my first boyfriend, mainly because I lacked an unattainable or unlikely crush. I didn't really have strong feelings for him either. After the break up, I realized it was because he was the wrong guy.

Nowadays, I'm having some crushes again -- on people I'm actually seeing. I think the trick is to revert your adoration for the crushes to the guy you're with. For me, when I'm actually with a guy I like, I feel like I'm never *fully* experiencing the moment emotionally so much as going through the motions. I think it has something to do with being a strong introvert -- I'm sure I've heard of other people being the same way.

Rather, we seem to live life on delay. I kind of have to replay or mentally reenact the situation in my head afterwards, or the next day, in order for it to feel real and for any emotions to happen. I guess it's basically daydreaming but about things that actually happened?

There's also the excitement of anticipation, I've found, like planning the next conversation with them in your head, as crazy as it sounds.

GL!