daydreaming + social anxiety

[debbie downer]

i have had BAD social anxiety for almost two years, after finding out that my group of friends secretly hated me because i was annoying. (i'm in high school.)  i only leave the house when i absolutely have to (in the summer, it was only about once a week). when i do leave the house, i don't like to talk because i'm afraid of annoying people, and i can't stop thinking "don't look at me don't look at me" because i hate the way i look. i try my best to avoid social situations, and i have almost no friends that talk to me. i haven't hung out with anyone in over a year and a half, and sometimes i accidentally go for over a week without checking my phone because nobody texts or calls me.

now that school has started again, i've dyed my hair and gotten new clothes so i actually like the way i look, and i'm not afraid of people looking at me anymore. but i'm still reluctant to make friends, and this is where the daydreaming comes in.

i think i might be scared to make friends because i know that the friends that i make can never be as good as my characters. my daydreams have changed a lot since i got social anxiety. in my daydream world, almost each character has a best friend that they're very close to and never fight with. that's a big part of my daydream story: i don't have a best friend, so i give them to my characters because i want a friendship like that. i thought i had found it before, but they treated me badly the whole time anyways.

so for other daydreamers with social anxiety: how do you think your anxiety has affected your daydreams?