Confession & Acceptance

[Water Lily]

I am a maladaptive daydreamer.  My first memory of an all-consuming day dream session was when I was 12 years old. I remember I locked myself in my room for an entire Saturday. I told my parents I was reading or doing homework. But I was actually just sitting there, in an alternate reality.  I remember getting hungry and sweating from how warm my room was, but I just sat there, unable to pull myself out of my alternate reality. I still remember what the daydream was about, but it's far too embarrassing to share.

I am now 25 years old and still exhibit the same behaviors, though the fantasies have changed. I am happily married and currently in the process of obtaining my doctorate in environmental sciences. I drive myself crazy going in and out of reality all day long. My husband and family know absolutely nothing about my problem. Though they do know I get depressed (what happens when I am too busy to daydream).

I think a lot of my problem stems from a lack of self-esteem and not having a way to vent my creativity.  I try to avoid my triggers, which include visual stimulation, music, being idle, movies, tv... essentially anything media or art based. Even just going someplace new that is interesting, like a museum, a natural park, can stimulate it. 

But there is a side of me that doesn't want to stop daydreaming, because in the end, it makes me happy when I am doing it. The only problem is the inherent following depression, and I don't like lying to my family about it.

Hopefully confessing to you will make me want to live for the goodness of reality over the artificial high of fantasy. I am really interested in learning to use my abilities constructively, I just haven't gotten there yet.

Thanks for the Support! Feel free to leave me comments or suggestions.

[Liz Winning]

I'm hoping to go to University (college)  after school but in terms of what I want to do with my life career-wise... I have no clue! haha! I am, however, very passionate about dancing and hope to make some sort of career out of it, I have already done quite a few paid dance jobs and as a part time job right now I'm a dance teacher. I find its a really good way for me to relax and escape my own mind for a little while, I don't usually MD while I'm dancing, so I like it a lot. :)

[Water Lily]

Hi Liz,

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with your grades. I don't have my doctorate yet, just starting school for it this semester, but do have my bachelors and masters degrees. I have always taken school very seriously, 1.) because I find it fascinating, 2.) because I didn't want my family (mostly parents) to worry about me. My brother didn't get good grades, although he is much smarter than me, and I hated when my parents fought about him. I also had 2 very supportive friends growing up who were very smart, who were A-type overachievers and they influenced me a lot. So, I think it is a lot of things..

What are your aspirations? Are you interested in going to college? Do you care about making money or moreso about following your passion? Grades are only important if you need to go to college to make your living...it's not the right path for everyone.

[Liz Winning]

I started daydreaming when I was a similar age. I also become depressed when life gets too busy to daydream, which is why, although i sort of want it to stop, I also don't want it to end. It makes me feel happy and I kind of like my alternate reality too much to separate from it. Well done for not letting your MD get in the way of achieving what you want in life. I've found that it has been affecting my grades a lot, which scares me because I am approaching senior year at high school so I really need to do well :/ How did you manage to control it enough to be able to achieve your doctorate?

[Larry]

No doubt about it. Writing these things out does wonders for dealing with the emotions.
And, writing them to folks who can understand can really help put things into perspective.

[Iris]

Welcome Water Lily! Like you, I've started daydreaming when I was a child, I was 9 years at that time. I'm married and have three children, two of them are already grown up. What surprised me at your post, was, that you are so successful in your studies. Due to MDD I can't concentrate for a long time. So when you write that it drives you crazy to go in and out of reality all day long, I can understand you very well. It takes great efforts to stay in reality. Can your daydreams give you hints what you miss in real life? Maybe you can work on that.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I've posted some tips that many people have suggested along the right side of the main page.  A popular one going around is meditation.  Don't give up if you don't find what works right away.  It can get better.