Coming Clean

[Jennifer]

Hello MDers,

 

I know I have posted numerous amounts of blogs involving questions like How should I tell my parents about MD? Should I tell them at all? How did your parents react to those of you who told? And blah, blah, blah. Well, I finally told them what has been going on for me, and I just wanted to share the steps I took into telling them:

 

So, lately, I have been over the edge. I found out in November that I have a RARE mental disorder, which means I'm all on my own, there's no one to help because obviously no one is really aware of this disorder. It was scaring me knowing I had a mental disorder, and it really really stressed me out because I just couldn't seem to keep it quiet for much longer; My parents and I have been fighting a whole lot lately, and they're blaming me for being lazy and not getting anything done and what not. And I wanted to tell them I was NOT lazy, there was just something wrong with me. I wasn't sure how to do this, so I went to my school guidance counselor and told him my situation and about MD. He has not heard of it, surprise, surprise, and I told him that just the name of the disorder would throw him off because I am aware that it does not sound like a real disorder. I told him about how I wanted to tell my parents, and more importantly, why I wanted to tell my parents. And he said I was taking the right steps. He was actually real cool about it; He believed me, he didn't laugh or even react in a funny way. He really trusted me and seemed like he really wanted to help. So, he sent me to the school's Psychotherapist, and my meeting with the Psychotherapist was even more in depth with MD. Of course I had to go over exactly what MD is, and how it is affecting my life, and how often I daydream, and what I daydream about, and how my experience with the multiple number of deaths in my family might have had something to do with this. He looked it up, read the symptoms and asked me how I could relate to each one of the symptoms and I gave him examples. He really listened to me, and tried his best to help even though he didn't know much about MD at all.  He gave me a couple ways I could tell my parents after I described my parents and told him they would just brush it off and not treat it how seriously it actually is. So, here's what he suggested I'd do: (If you're trying to find a way to tell your parents but aren't sure how, these suggestions could really help.)

1) Just keep it vague rather than suddenly blurting it out. "You know, mom, I spend a lot of time in my room...Do you think that's normal? Maybe I should go talk to a counselor about this." Or even, "Mom/Dad, I spend a lot of time daydreaming...Should I talk to a doctor about this?"

2) You probably shouldn't just come out and bluntly say that you have a disorder. Your parent(s) could shut down and not want to hear it. But you could say something like, "Mom/Dad, I have noticed I'm not like other teens/adults/people. I searched it and here's what I found..." (Then list the symptoms of MD)

3) If you're really going to tell them, you don't have to make it as dramatic as sitting them down and talking to them. You can just say what I mentioned earlier; Keeping it vague.

 

So, I took his words and was planning on using them this morning until I broke. My mom said, "What's going on with you lately; it seems to be more than this argument." (We have been arguing for days).

I just couldn't take it anymore, and I just burst into tears. "I daydream excessively, and found out in November that what I have is actually a mental disorder. Maladaptive Daydreaming." (I told her how it affects me and my schedule, and all that "good" stuff. And she really didn't react the way I  wished she would have, but it wasn't as bad as I'd expected.

"Maladaptive means you're unable to adapt, Jenn. You don't have this." Funny, she's still trying to tell me I'm wrong, even though she has no idea what the symptoms are yet, and how badly I really do have this.

"Yes,I do. You don't even know what I'm talking about, you don'thave this disorder. How can you possibly be telling me otherwise when you don't even know anything about it yet? Honestly, I was afraid to tell you because I knew exactly this was going to happen; You're thinking of me differently, and you're not believing me."

At that point, she was finished yelling at me and denying the fact that her daughter has a rare mental disorder. I guess she just accepted it, finally. "Alright...Well, if you really do have this, we'll get through it.  Jenn, everyone on this Earth has a little bit of mental stuff with them. It's not just you."

That was the end of our conversation. (She had been driving me to school, and she pulled into the parking lot and I left.)

I don't know what will happen after today, or how she will react to my MD in the future, but this is what happened today. I finally told my Mom about my MD. And I feel pretty good about it; I feel like I took the right steps to help me with doing something so hard. I adressed there was a problem and it was affecting my lifestyle, I talked to two trusted adults, and they helped me talk to my mom about it. So I did, and it was a success.

If there are any of you who survived this whole blog and are thinking of telling your parents about your MD but are kind of worried about it, go for it.

You can do it.

[Jennifer]

@Otakugirl

I'm so flattered that my story inspired you to tell your parents! I totally understand what you mean about your fear of them thinking of you differently if you do end up telling them. But here's what the Psychotherapist said to me: "Your parents will always see you in the same way; as their daughter. You're their daughter, and they're supposed to provide for you, and be there for you. I'm sure if you told her she wouldn't see a mental disorder. She would see her teenage daughter." And he was right. My mom actually believed me, and she told me she was happy that I'd told her.

I say you should go for it! I know the feelings of living a second secret life, and it's not fun. Actually, to be blunt, it really sucks. But I think it would really help you feel better and accomplish some things. Maybe your mom could help you with it to some degree?

Best of luck! I'm always here if you have any questions or need someone to talk to. ^.^

xxxJennifer

[Jennifer]

@Amanda Lynne

Hi, I read that you told your mom about your MD? I'm so happy for you! Best of luck!! I'm always, always here if you need someone to talk to. :)

[Jennifer]

Thank you very, very much everyone for all of the support!! I really appreciate all of your comments and compliments! Honestly, I really couldn't have gotten up the courage to tell my parents if it weren't for your help. Each and every one of you gave me strength and encouraged me in some way to tell my parents. And it really helped. I greatly appreciated. And thank you so, so much, Ms. Cordellia for creating this website. It has helped every single one of us in some way. :)

[Amanda Lynne]

I wanna tell my mom, so she understands me more. She thinks I'm just "lazy" and "don't care about life." She doesn't get that I'm trying really hard.

 

But I don't want her to see a mental disorder everytimes she looks at me. I don't want anyone to.

 

But congrats on telling yours.

[otakugirl]

Congrats with telling your folks! Your story encourages me to tell my parents. I want to get this off my chest. I feel this could be a step to getting rid of md. I just feel my mom wont belive me an I am scared that my parents will think I am weird.

[Will Paine]

I am really glad that you have this weight of your chest. It is not making you feel guilty anymore. I am VERY happy for you Jennifer ^.^

[Jenna]

Aww that is great, I hope it goes well. Unfortunatly, I could never tell my parents, they would act like your mom but worst. They would flip out and say I am lying if I did the second option. My mom won't believe it unless a doctor tells them and she is a special Ed teacher. Plus with it be unknown world-wide or here at least she would stare at me like I am lying. It would be a lot easier, if they could just see what our mods were like for one day. Just one day and they would understand us