Breaking my addiction is harder than I thought

[Robin]

So, at the beginning of this week, I decided that I was going to stop daydreaming altogether. Since I started college in August, I started going to a therapist for MDD and depression, and in the last couple of months I had cut my daydreaming down from hours a day to maybe 30 minutes or so. Not to mention, going to therapy helped my talk to my mom and have a much better relationship with her (she has borderline personality disorder but is finally getting it under control- she's the reason I have so many issues : P ) . Anyway, I've been much more productive, I think I've been happier and I'm making real friend for the first time in my life- but my DDs aren't gone. Either during the day or in the evening, I get this overwhelming urge to go to my triggers and daydream, and I would always let myself zone out in my fantasies for a little while before class or bed.

So, anyway, at the beginning of this week I decided to cut myself off completely. I have a pretty bad dissociation disorder and not a very developed sense of who I am as a person because of it (I'm 18, in college, and since I was 8 or 9 I think I've spent the majority of my time in other worlds, living other peoples lives), and I know that that's caused by my daydreaming, so I decided to stay away from all my triggers and totally focus on myself for an entire week (or more). In the last 2 days, I exerted a HUGE effort and didn't daydream at all, and I felt happier, in control, and like I was finally "discovering" myself or something. I still felt really strong urges to daydream, but by keeping myself busy, meditating, hanging out with friends, etc. I wouldn't give in. Then, yesterday evening, a friend asked me if I could watch a movie with her for class. Movies are big triggers for me, but I couldn't exactly say no. She doesn't know about most of my problems and I want to keep it that way. I thought I could handle one stupid movie, the plot of which I wasn't really interested in. 

Nope. I couldn't handle it at all. I totally relapsed and spent hours yesterday night DDing. I feel like I'm back to square one and I'm really upset with myself. The worst part is that my daydreams used to make me feel a little better about the real world, but now that they are an addiction I'm trying to break and not just a pastime, once I leave the daydream I feel really guilty about myself. Which makes me want to go back to daydreaming.

I'm not giving up, though. I'm going to try again starting today, and I hope I'll be able to last until next wednesday. Whew. that was a really long post. Sorry, guys! 

[Sotiria ddd]

I so get you! Same thing happened to me. I feel so depressed but i went 9 days with barely any daydreaming I can do it again! We can do it! we have to kick this addiction. Even if we can't kick it entirely we can lessen it to like once in 10 days! Let's just try

[Wakethenight]

I know that feeling. Just keep pushing forward! On the upside, you are in college. This is the perfect chance to explore who you are! Lots of opportunities to join clubs and find new interests. I wish I had taken more advantage of it.

[Robin]

Thanks, Ray! That's a good idea. I hope I can do it too :)

[Ray Sandhu]

Hey Robin!, I have been where you are, my biggest trigger is "music", and I tell you in the past, and i tell you everytime its the guilt that really kills after you DD, when you try to quit. But for you to do what you did is impressive, now try to aim one day past how long you lasted without going for it, literally obsess yourself to get past just one more extra then how long you lasted before, and then once you get there, then take it day by day. I tell you smoking for me, was not nearly as hard as to quit then DDing, so dont be down on yourself :), keep your head high and get right back into! i know you can do it