Been Awhile

[Amy Buttz]

I have been in therapy since April.  I have been in therapy before, guess it is time again.  In my last blog entry, I wrote that I was afraid if I tackled my issues in therapy, my MDD wouldn't go away.  Have an appointment next week, but feeling pretty depressed today.  I have dealt with a lot of pretty bad stuff and the daydreaming still persists.  I am going to tell my therapist about it when I go.  I feel bad about it now, because this morning I was thinking about my issues, working some more of this out in my mind, journaled, cried, some things seem to click into place.  In spite of all of that I still feel like I haven't made a dent in daydreaming.  It feels like nothing touches this long term.  Every now and then, something will come along and short circuit it for a short time, but it always comes back.  I said before, anxiety curbs my daydreaming and some of the things I have been dealing with caused me great anxiety.  I had hoped that it was the beginning of unraveling the grip it has on me, but "no", it is back full force.  Thinking that I may have to deal with this forever, is depressing today.