August 23rd, 2018

[Hannah Rickert]

Wow, you all probably thought I left permanently or something! It's been nearly a month I guess. A lot of stuff has happened in my life. For the first time ever, I think I have fallen out of love. Things between Sam and me have just gotten a little... distant. He hasn't been communicating with me quite as often, which leads me to ultimately not thinking about him more and more. We just started talking again today. Today, of all days! My post is going to be mainly about the daydreams/dreams I've been having, but first I just need to point out that Sam's best friend, Grady, has kinda been hitting on me recently. Honestly, I thought that he was dating some freshman (we're sophomores), because he was, according to Sam, a month ago. Well he's been sending me snaps of himself biting his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, and for the first time (we literally have never even talked to each other in person) he sent me a direct message on Snapchat and it read "I hope this doesn't sound weird, but your hair is beautiful." I asked Sam if a guy complimenting my hair could potentially be flirting, and he said it could be but not necessarily. Then I asked him if a guy started a compliment with "I hope this doesn't sound weird but.." would be flirting and he said that the guy definitely is hoping for something out of it. Now keep in mind that Sam kept asking me who was complimenting me and shit like that, but I told him it didn't matter. The truth is, Grady is kind of cute, and I don't want anybody mad at me, especially if they're somewhat cute. I also really don't want to ruin any friendships. Well speaking of Sam's friendships, his other friend, Robin, has started snapping me more often, which quite honestly concerns me. I don't know why but things like this really stress me out. ANyways, I guess I'll start the dream soon. So this (day)dream has been going on for about a week now. It started out as a regular dream, and I remembered it when I woke up (from a nap) so I continued thinking about it and eventually formed this maladaptive daydream. So basically I'm stuck in this building that oddly resembles a Target (it has all of the aisles and stuff) but also has a place where we all sleep. By we all I mean me, Sam, Robin, Grady, another guy Owen (that I think of more as a brother), and then some random people from our class. I am trying to find a way out because we only have so many days left, so it's me, Owen, Grady, and Robin trying to program something or do something to get out. 

"All right time for everyone to get some rest." (On the intercom)

We all make our ways to our sleeping area, and I'm not lucky enough to grab a single. I look around and see Sam on a single. 

"Hey, Hannah, there's only enough room here for one. I'm sorry."

I start walking over to where the doubles are and I see Robin, Owen, and Grady. I walk over and see Owen and Grady immediately grab one double because they didn't want to sleep with Robin or something. {I'm just putting this out there that I'm sure there's nothing wrong with any of them, especially Robin, he's really quiet} 

I lay in the bed with Robin, distancing myself so I'm basically on the very edge (I don't like sleeping in the same bed as someone I'm not involved with, especially a guy). I feel something press against my ass and I turn my head to see Robin against me. I jump up and grab my stuff, all the while looking for a new place to sleep. 

"Hey, Hannah, I know a place you can sleep; follow me." It was Owen.

As kind and caring as Owen was, I sort of had doubts about this, but he led me to an aisle where there was a mattress left. I thank him and I have him turn around so I can change into my silk pajamas. After a bit of chatting, I find myself under a blanket with Owen sitting n the opposite edge, waiting for me to fall asleep. 

"Owen you know I won't be asleep for probably another hour, you might as well leave."

"No can do. I don't need some idiot come sauntering in and lay up next to you and make you uncomfortable."

"Well, you might as well make yourself comfortable then."

He settles down and eventually I fall asleep. He falls asleep too, very close to me, but not quite touching me.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

I jump up, alarmed by the outburst. I see Robin and Sam standing over us.

"It was nothing guys, really. Hannah was just cold."

"I was. Sam, you know how I get cold easily."

Sam has a look of recognition in his eyes and then turns to leave. Owen gets up and leaves with them. A few minutes later, I hear a gentle tapping on the floor next to me. I look up and see Grady standing there. I pull the blanket up, realizing I had taken my pajamas off and was in a bralette and a thong. 

"Chill Hannah. I'm no pervert. Here." He tosses me my silk pajamas and turns around.

"Thank you." I put them on and tell him he can turn around.

"I just came to make sure you're okay."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Ermm nevermind."

We end up just talking about random stuff for a few hours. I get back under the blanket and decide it's best to go to sleep. Grady gets under the blanket on the mattress with me.

"I'm done with Sam."

Okay so there was a lot more stuff that happened, but I didn't feel like going into detail. Also since I started this post, Grady and I have been chatting for quite a substantial chunk of it. He also said that I was cute and then I confided in him and told him how I really don't have any feelings left for Sam. Yeah this may be the end for me and Sam...