Apparently, I Ramble When I Write....

[Andrea]

WARNING: LONG ENTRY IS LONG. I DON'T KNOW WHY I WROTE SO MUCH. AND I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU, I JUST REALLY LIKE ALL CAPS. 

I've decided to start blogging/logging about the progress of stopping my MD. 

None of you obviously have to read this, but I figured since this was a community of people with MD, it seemed appropriate to dump my brain here. 

It's basically to help me figure out when and why I MD and how I can stop it in the future. As a brief history, my MD started when I was about 6 or 7. As a young kid, my family moved around a lot---I've been to 7 different schools before I hit college (and that's not including the schools that were in different US states and different continents as well...). I was described as being an incredibly yappy and extroverted youngster by my parents. I was the youngest in my extended family and I seemed to hog everyone's attention. When we immigrated to America when I was 5, things were different. I was suddenly very alone and didn't have any friends. We kept moving and any friends I started to made lost touch with me and I had to start all over again. Needless to say, I don't think I ever really had a constant group of friends growing up. I didn't even have a best friend until high school. 

So naturally, being friendless I spent a lot of time alone. I had a pretty overactive imagination (this could be from my dad, who's a bit of an eccentric genius, or it could be from the fact that I loved reading fantasy books all the time) and spent a good deal of time actually walking around the playground talking to myself outloud. I didn't see anything wrong with this until my other classmates kept giving me weird looks and asked me why I was talking to myself like an idiot. So after my brief discovery that normal kids don't talk to themselves (at least not out loud), I kept my mouth shut. But I still daydreamed---daydreamed about fantastic adventures where I would ride on magic horses and jump over lava-filled lands wearing an astronaut suit to save some damsel in distress. 

My parents and teachers were getting worried that I wasn't making any friends but seemed perfectly okay with that. My first grade teacher even referred me to a counsellor of some sort who helped me to be more social so I didn't end grow up to be an anti-social failure (oh, the irony...). 

When I was in the 4th or 5th grade, I used to watch Sailor Moon on TV and that was like the best show ever. I loved that show so much, in fact, that I "borrowed" the characters for my daydreams. I would go about my daily routine, but those characters would do everything with me. And I would talk to them in my head. This went on until I was about 12---which is a fact that still really scares me. I think I outgrew the cartoons at that point. It's hard to say what I daydreamed about from age 12 to 15...I think it was a bit scattered and all over the place. They usually involved me doing something Nobel-prize worthy (God, could I be any more narcissistic). 

 

Looking back, most of the daydreams I nurtured in high school were heavily influenced by the literature I read in my English classses. I was always fond of Latin American literature with their big screwed up families and magic realism and I think a lot of my daydreams involved being part of a large family (I think this might have stemmed from me missing being part of my extended family, who were a lot like the characters in the books haha) or having someone in the family die and me and the other characters trying to solve the mystery. (And I never did find out who killed my great grandfather, twice removed...that killer was damn good) 

My daydreaming intensified after reading a Robertson Davies novel in English class. That got me thinking a lot about love triangles in particular. Eventually this gave birth to Mr. Psychotic Ex-Boyfriend and his Friend, who I've been trying to get rid of since December 2011 (when I found out about MD). I don't know how many of you have had lovers in your daydreams, but you know that they are awfully persistent. Lately, I have come to really loathe Mr. Psychotic Ex-Boyfriend (Hence, why he is psychotic..), whose been the source of a number of failed perceptions of relationships and anti-social behaviour. I hate this character and yet, my mind won't lose it's grip on him. I don't understand why, but I noticed whenever I get involved with a real boy (and not a pigment of my imagination), Mr. P.E.B. seems to disappear. But when I feel lonely, he comes back to haunt me.

Now I'm in second year of college and the main daydream I had (which was an epic about saving the world, crashing the US economy, and creating a utopia of sorts---I really need to stay away from Ayn Rand novels), has disintegrated into nothing. The realization that I had MD and that it was affecting my life made me feel guilty about daydreaming and somehow, my brain stopped feeling compelled to escape to the fantasy world I had crafted. Of course, I still daydreamed, but they were different daydreams that involved REAL people and REAL places in my life. 

I'm not sure why my daydream just morphed into another one. But I guess that's why I wrote this unforgivingly long entry--to sort out the bits and pieces and figure out what's happening to me. This entry has actually been pretty enlightening. The Aesop I can take away from this ridiculous brain dump is to STOP READING NOVELS FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY. It seems to be where I get my crazy daydream ideas from. 

By the way, if any of you made it this far without falling comatose, CONGRATULATIONS! Here's a cookie! 

[Wish Upon A Wish]

mmm! Nom nom! Thanks!

I have like, 3 fantasy worlds at the moment one's basically based in the future, with my hopefully realistic dream life, one's based now, and has some elements from House of Night, and the most recent (and probably most temporary) is based in the In Death series. (It's great fun annoying Summerset as a talking wolfie! Haha)

[greyartist]

haha, thanks for the cookie. I agree with the novel part, I keep doing it and DDing better endings and such.

[Jules]

Thanks for the cookie! :D It wasn't THAT long. And even though there are bits very different from my life, there are lots of similarities. Maybe it's time for me to write out some of my story. Hmmm. But that's a bit scarey. It may be even longer than yours! Lol. Thanks for sharing. :)