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A while back, I posted a blog post about how I often contradict myself, and have opposing/conflicting opinions on so many things. I just found another: Self-discipline/control. I have both good and bad self-discilpine, if that makes sense. I can get myself to do things (usually if I don't think too much about it) that I don't want to do or don't like, or stop myself doing something I really do want to do, but sometimes it's the opposite. I have a few days left in the holidays and have done absolutely no homework, of which I have too much, and I just can't get myself to work on it. I'll just do something else that's maybe less important, but is something I would like done (like sorting stuff out on the computer (seriously, renaming half the songs on my computer so it didn't have a stupid format for the name took about 8 or 9 hours in total. Actually, I still haven't quite done it all.) or tidying my room, downloading or planning something etc) and it's kind of a pain in the arse for me, and seeing as I want to start tertiary study next year, it's gonna be so effing hard if I don't sort myself out. I know I can I just don't want to.

I think I'm rambling a bit here, like always =p

I know how my thought processes usually work when there's something I should do. I'll start thinking about how I should do something, (lets say my English Genre study, due in just over a week and I haven't even started - eep!) and I'll probably say, "I'll just finish this first" or "I gotta do this first" (even if I don't 'gotta do this' first) and then I'll say, "I'll just quickly check this website while I'm on here" and so I'll do that, and possibly click a link on there and use a half hour doing what I shouldn't, then I'll realize I should be doing Eng, and so either I will: a) go and get my Eng folder and open it up, then maybe either do a tiny bit of work, or do nothing, or start reading a book for genre study and just keep on reading and not taking notes

or b) start complaining in my head to a character or to myself about how I don't need Eng as a subject, I'm only doing it 'cause it's compulsory Edit: this is the last main bit of the post. the rest is just me rambling on about why I don't need to do English this year (Which is very true - I've checked what I need for all my study - first to years of a free organics course, I need nothing. Agriculture and then Equine down in Telford, I need NCEA level one, which includes literacy credits. I passed level 1 last year, and I'm doing level 2 this year. If I'd heard of either of the courses last year, I could have gone to one of them instead of school (except I think I had to be 16 before sometime in July to quit school, and I wasn't) so I don't need English. Plus, how the hell is reading/understanding Shakespeare, which is very old English, going to help me in the future? How is writing an article going to help me, or creative writing seeing as I don't want to be a writer or journalist? I can read very fast, and lots, and even if I can't put it on paper, I can comprehend it. I am good at spelling and grammar (not amazing, but better than many. Mostly I just get a bit confused on exactly where to put brackets and how to use punctuation around them. Yes, I'm aware this is being typed in brackets.) I can speak the language  adequately and I can word my sentences properly, though sometimes I mix my wording up a bit, and have to correct myself. (I blame this on my Swiss parents, 'cause although they've been here for over 20 years, they still sometimes word their sentences a bit funny) I can speak in front of a group, even though I don't like it at all, and I'm not sure that even is an English thing, more of a confidence thing. Plus, to pass level two, there aren't any specific literacy or numeracy requirements like there are in level 1. So screw you, English department.)

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