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Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest

Another boring, anxious summer

It's mid-July, and I still haven't been able to find a job. I'm worried I'll have 3 months of back rent to pay when I get my student loans in September. I really can't afford it. My anxiety has been as high as ever. It always is. I'm always shaking with fear over something. I check USGS several times a day to see how many earthquakes are nearby. I'm scared to death "the big one" will happen like everyone says it will. I don't want to end up dead or homeless. That Japan quake scared the crap out of me. Every night I pray hard for about half an hour that there won't be an earthquake. I start getting dizzy and uncomfortable with worry hours before bed. I get positively sick with fear. It doesn't help that I have nothing to do but watch the clock and count the hours all day long. I haven't been able to focus enough to read much. I just lie around all day, perusing the ads for a job that will fit and sending out my resume. My life is a constant ball of fear. I'd say I hope it passes, but it doesn't pass. This is how I live.

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Comment by Jhonny Gilbert on July 25, 2011 at 12:58am: hi, I wish to help you, but i cannot really connect your issues with day dreaming. But I certainly feel for you. All I can suggest is try to break away from the monotony and do something different one day.... you will be opned up to new things new opportunities... dont allow guilt or fear to stop you from doing something new and beautiful.. this might help you snap out momentarily out of anxiety

Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on July 17, 2011 at 4:12pm: I wanna thank you guys for your wonderful support. I'm always struggling with something, usually money and constant anxiety about that and something else, and it's nice knowing people will always be there to listen. Living with constant anxiety can be pretty overwhelming. It's important to have support. I appreciate you all. Thanks again.

Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on July 16, 2011 at 8:20pm: Because Ning will start charging me next month for the site (and I didn't think anyone would donate), I set up a donation on the main page, but people have already been wonderfully generous. They've already donated enough to cover my fees for a few months. It's been very heartwarming. I will always find a way to maintain this site, so don't stress about it. I appreciate even the thought. It's very sweet of you even to ask.

Comment by roxanne on July 16, 2011 at 8:16pm: Where would we send any donations? I feel like everyone here is my dearest friend.

Comment by Angel on July 16, 2011 at 1:46pm: Your fear after the Japan earthquake is very much like mine after 9-11. I worked on floor 63 of the Columbia Tower in Seattle. I had nightmares that something similar would happen there. Thankfully, I don't work there any more, not even in downtown any more so that's OK. But still anxiety is a constant companion in some form whether there is something worth worrying about or not.

I wish you good luck in your job search.

Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on July 16, 2011 at 11:25am: Aw, that's so sweet of you. I'll be ok, though. There will be an answer. I was just venting because that's what's on my mind. I'm always panicking about something. It's just how my brain works. This site doesn't take much work, and it's a pleasure. I appreciate all you guys. People have already donated enough for me to run the site for a few months, which is a huge blessing. I'm really grateful for all my members. We have such generous souls here.

Comment by roxanne on July 16, 2011 at 6:21am: Can we send some money to help with your rent. I feel like you have saved my life with this site. Where would I send it? You can't allow yourself to get evicted. This is a full time job - we are your job. What can we do? Is xanax one of your prescription drugs? I take that plus GABA, which works much like xanax except is supposed to be healing my brain, according to Dr. Daniel Amen,neuro-psychiatrist, whom I so admire. Could I schedule a consultation for you with his assistant?

Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on July 15, 2011 at 9:03pm: It's not that I don't like medication. It's that it has no effect on me whatsoever except for sleep. I take 4 prescriptions to get to sleep every night. Supplements don't work on a brain like mine.

Comment by roxanne on July 15, 2011 at 9:00pm: I'd be totally nuts if I let my anxiety go unchecked. I know you don't like medication - xanax really works wonders, even used just occasionally. Also the supplement GABA has cut way down on my insomnia. I don't know what I would do without it. I HATE not being able to sleep.