Aller Anfang ist Schwer- All Beginnings Are Difficult

[Faye]

I love that saying, its simple, all-encompassing and most of all very true.

Since I've acknowledged that I have MD, and connected with the idea that I am not a single/ individual anomaly with this condition. I have begun to approach my life very differently.

For the past year, I've been traveling the world (mostly Europe), learning new languages (I am of immigrant background originally so I speak several languages already) and challenging myself to do new and different things. I have finally settled down a bit...or at least I think I have....I've just started a new job, which has provided me with great prospects for the future. And after coming back "home"- as in the place I grew up. I am trying to rebuild my life again, post-MDD awareness.

I think many people on this forum can identify when I say that making and keeping real friends can sometimes be such a nuisance and bother. I am very outgoing on the outside, and well-adjusted socially, but I have generally had no interest in maintaining or committing to friendships/ relationships. It's mainly because I always feel as if the people around me/ the people that I meet are so annoying and shallow. I feel that they are ingrained with insincerity and lack emotional maturity. So I have always been the type to ignore friends when they call because I already imagine our encounters to be annoying and unnecessary. 

Currently in my post MDD state, I am trying to rebuild. First I promised myself to be more attentive to people who have good character and second I promised to be more in the present. To be more awake and aware of whats happening around me, day to day, instead of pulling back into the MDD world all the time.

I can't say that this has been easy. I have had some success on being more conscious, and in the moment. But trying to build a new network of friends from the old bunch has proven to be very difficult. When I was traveling, it was easy to randomly meet new people. But now that I am settled in a 9-5 job I find it really hard to encounter new friends. I'm beginning to feel the "withdrawal symptoms" of MD, that deafening silence of being the perpetual loner.

Does anyone have any advice on this?