Alexandra and Max

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I have some news that will probably anger many people.  It's certainly angered a few of you.  

As many of you have probably noticed, Alex constantly talked about wanting to die and hurting herself.  This is very serious to me.  I couldn't just sit by and not respond.  Many of us, including me, tried the gentle approach of sitting with her for hours and just talking to her.  That didn't help.  I eventually tried the tough love approach.  That only angered her.  I didn't know what to do and felt it was irresponsible to ignore someone in such distress.  I consulted 2 qualified experts in the mental health field.  One suggested that being on the site was doing her more harm than good.  He said it was helping her to avoid getting the real help she needed.  He suggested I suspend her until she gets help, to force her to get real help that this site can't provide.  I forwarded this lengthy and thorough message to another expert with a PhD.  She agreed with everything he said and said I should suspend her.  THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA.  I didn't want to do it.  I was simply seeking advice for how to help her, but both experts said this was the best way to help her.  I gave her a chance to contact people and exchange contact information with them.  She instead chose to argue with me.  I suspended her.  

Apparently, while she was arguing with me, she notified all her friends in chat about what was going on.  As soon as she left, they all started completely lashing out at me.  They attacked me for hours.  It was all very mean and disrespectful.  If any of them said what they said to me to each other, I would have suspended them all.  Instead, because I care and listen to my site members, despite what they said, I sat there and took it.  I sat there for hours and let myself be attacked because I cared and wanted them to know that I only did this because I want her to get help.  They all still refuse to accept this.  I am shocked and appalled at how they acted.  I have always been a fair moderator.  I don't suspend people for stupid reasons like disagreeing with me, and I've never suspended anyone for personal reasons.  It's always because they did something wrong, or in this case, because it was for her own good.  Most of the time, people accept my decision.  Tonight, that was not the case.

One person who particularly lashed out at me was Max.  He completely freaked out and repeatedly said he'd blame me if Alex kills herself.  This is completely unacceptable and beyond disrespectful.  He then proceeded to completely have a mental breakdown right on the site, in front of us all.  I repeatedly begged him to get help, but he refused to get help, saying the site was his help.  

THIS SITE IS NOT MEANT TO REPLACE REAL MENTAL HELP!  If you are suicidal, want to die, want to hurt yourself, or want to hurt anyone else, you must GET OFF and seek REAL help from a REAL PROFESSIONAL.  This site is meant strictly for support and education, not for real help with serious problems.  We're not equipped for that.  

I felt and feel that Max needs help beyond what this site can give, and I witnessed him needing real help and refusing it.  He and Alex used this site as a crutch.  I suspended him as well, after giving him time to say his goodbyes.

What happened tonight on this site can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!  I run this site because I care about people.  If I feel it is in the best interest of someone to suspend them, then I reserve the right to do so.  I welcome POLITE disagreement, but it is unacceptable to attack me.  The first rule on the main page is to be kind and respectful.  A few people broke that rule tonight.  I will enforce this rule in the future.  

Tonight has left me very hurt and more than a little angry.  I expect you all to treat me and each other with respect and respect my decisions in the future, like you've mostly done in the past.  It is ok to disagree with me, but it is not ok to attack me.  

As for Alex and Max, I sincerely hope they get the real help they deserve.  I told Alex that if she does, gets better, and lets me know, I will consider let her back on the site in the distant future.  I will not let Max back on the site because on top him needing help, he was very disrespectful to me.  It is against the rules to treat anyone like that, including me.  Max is gone.  

I really liked both these people and did not want to suspend either one of them, but it was for their own good.  If I didn't care, I wouldn't have consulted experts, spent hours talking to them and encouraging them to get help, or spent hours trying to explain my actions and being viciously attacked.  

I got so worried that people were misusing the site and using it to replace getting real help that they needed that I considered shutting down the site tonight.  I consulted Cynthia, and she thinks that I shouldn't.  I'll keep it active for now, but I'm still really confused.  If I feel this site is doing more harm than good, I will shut it down.   

Please just accept this, and move on.  

[Wish Upon A Wish]

I don't quite know what to say to this.

I think you did right, especially by giving them the opportunity to contact friends on here, so they could talk with them off-site. I guess everything I would say here has already been said, so there's no reason to repeat and rephrase it, but yeah.

You've been really good, making and moderating here, and it's helped many people. It would be a shame to shut it down, and I know you'll only do that if it's absolutely necessary.

[Lisa p]

One last thing...please don't let 2 people, who took what you said very personally and probably were hurt and lashed out, forget the good you're doing.  Thx L

[Lisa p]

PLEASE don't shut this site down...It was a relief when I first found Wildminds a few months ago and it still is right now!  I'm so sorry this happened to you and left you confused.  Hopefully by now you've received many comments asking/begging you to not shut Wildminds down. 

About 1 month ago I was attacked/bullied on a website.  I thought I posted something that would shed light on the subject however it was turned around and the people posting were HORRIBLE to me.  They threatened me saying they'd find out where I was from my ISP (not smart people), called me names, swore at me etc  They even coined a name for me which I won't type cuz it's awful.  It bothered me and still angers me as I type however I learned that hiding behind a computer can bring out the worst in people...myself included.  I'll admit I lashed back cuz I didn't know what else to do...duh I could've stopped typing:-).  I still went to the website to read postings and within 2 weeks the group turned on 2 of their own...it'd make a great psych subject..haha.

Any way this site has been so great that I'll ask again...PLEASE don't shut down.  Thanks L

[Lisa p]

PLEASE don't shut this site down...It was a relief when I first found Wildminds a few months ago and it still is right now!  I'm so sorry this happened to you and left you confused.  Hopefully by now you've received many comments asking/begging you to not shut Wildminds down. 

About 1 month ago I was attacked/bullied on a website.  I thought I posted something that would shed light on the subject however it was turned around and the people posting were HORRIBLE to me.  They threatened me saying they'd find out where I was from my ISP (not smart people), called me names, swore at me etc  They even coined a name for me which I won't type cuz it's awful.  It bothered me and still angers me as I type however I learned that hiding behind a computer can bring out the worst in people...myself included.  I'll admit I lashed back cuz I didn't know what else to do...duh I could've stopped typing:-).  I still went to the website to read postings and within 2 weeks the group turned on 2 of their own...it'd make a great psych subject..haha.

Any way this site has been so great that I'll ask again...PLEASE don't shut down.  Thanks L

[debbie downer]

i'm so sorry for the way you were treated! i think you did the right thing by listening to the professionals. people need to realize that you were only trying to help.

[Rafael Hernandez]

Cordellia, im a relative new member, but your actions where ok.

Even daydreaming can prevent us from seeking help because it is a safe place for us, and if for them getting to this site was preventing them to seeking real help, it was right to do so.

[S K]

I think your decision was right considering the reasons for it but I worry about the consequences of it...

If they thought this was their crutch,their safe place,their refuge and their community taking it away might just lead to a downward spiral especially based on their current mental state and negative events.This is just so sad...especially the way it went down.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Well, Alex joined again under a different name, and I caught her posting a negative blog.  I really cared about her and hoped to let her come back one day if she got help, but I won't anymore.  Nope, when I suspend you, you need to leave and not come back without permission.  If I want to, I can restore your account.  Don't just be sneaky and create another account.  She is no longer welcome.  

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I'm not approving any comments that I feel are argumentative.  This is meant to be a blog informing people of what I chose to do for Alex's and Max's best interests.  I'm not going to let this turn into another version of last night.  Accept my decision, and move on.  

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Roger, I was told that for hours last night.  I don't need to hear it anymore.  Let's not argue.  The point is we're doing more harm than good.  I flat-out witnessed Max refusing to get help when he desperately needed it.  If I were in his situation, I would have called 911.  It was that bad, and he refused to get help.