Adult me is still 15 in her daydreams

[Nikki]

So it all started long back when I was hardly 14-15 ..I am from India .I have always been a daydreamer since my childhood but that time it used to be very less ...I had 2 major operations of my left leg when I was 14 ..the whole journey from pre op to post op and recovery period was extremely painful and exhausting both physically and mentally .

        That is from where my daydreams start increasing ..now they were no more harmless and fun dreams but rather compulsive scenerious which I could not stop ..at same time ,my parents were having some serious trouble in their relationship which led to frequent quarrels in home ..all these things used to give me serious panics and anxiety ..I became almost antisocial and escaped the harshness of reality with my fantasy life ..

Music is biggest stimulator for me .. whenever I listen to it ,my daydreams escalate to heights ..it consist of different stories ranging from sometimes I being saviour and helping everyone around to me to I being damsel in distress and being saved by someone really kind..

My daydreams have cost me almost everything from my anxiety issues , inferiority issues to my failed academic results ..I am from extremely competitive country where good colleges are less and in order to get there ,one needs to be really good in studies ..But my daydreams have destroyed my concentration a lot ..use to be studious child once ,but now a failure in every exams .. earlier to get college ,now to get job ..failing brutally in every aspect of life ..

     Sometimes I wish how easy it would be if I end my life and stop all this trouble ..but I don't know ..I don't feel courageous enough to do this .I chose struggle over death but the fact is I don't even have strength to struggle ...feeling hopeless ..

My family is bit conservative about mental health disorder so they never allowed me to consult any psychiatrist ..

Everything aside,I feel the 15 year old young girl is still there inside me getting anxious ,panicking ,being clueless but the adult me have no idea how to console her ...

[Jessica Ballantyne]

It's great that I was a dreamer, and yet not great. I did use my fictional life to escape the harshness of my reality, but only, it made my reality even harsher. I learned a very heartening lesson as a result. I was supposed to wake up to life and pay attention to what I'm doing, and where I'm going, but I failed wretchedly. 

I also made a huge mistake. I convinced myself that I didn't have to do too much for my life to happen the way I wanted it to. For example, my parents worked very hard to develop their relationship, get married, buy a house, have kids and buy a bunch of cars. But I didn't get it...I thought studying art will lead me to a happy future, because I'm passionate about the arts, but I didn't occur to me that art might not pay all my bills, food, and rent. So then I took up a career in design, which I ultimately didn't feel passionate about. 

I wanted to continue to school, to see if I could do something reasonably skillful and that I can do. Regardless, my mom found out that I was a maladaptive daydreamer. She strictly told me to stick with art. But then I staggered for the next 15 years, as it's harder to make a good living as an artist. You have to get all sorts of odd jobs and side gigs, but that's when the real trouble came. I found out that I was intellectually disabled, effecting my performance in the workplaces. 

Now I'm trying to advertise myself as a freelancer, while I'm determined to find a part-time or full-time in anything I can get my hands on in this tough marketplace. I often blame maladaptive daydreamer for putting me in such a humiliating situation. 

[Teresa Angela]

Bless you. I am in my 30's and can still be very young in my daydreams. 

Do you have faith? I am finding my faith in God is helping me so much. I see that my true value on this earth is what God has put on earth to do and I am not controlled by my inner thoughts or dreams. 

[Ravindra]

we all have different stories but same feelings and same struggles

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Like you, I struggled with my studies and didn't make it into a better College. Interestingly enough, I never went to a psychiatrist, but I helped myself stop most of my MD overtime. 

Sad thing is my adult life doesn't look great. I hate to think I deserve this, because I've received warnings from people, since I was a kid, not to dream. 

My dad is open to the face, I've been a dreamer since I was a baby, but my mom and sister had a cow about it. They detest that I do this, and I'm in for trouble. 

Now being 38, I'm trying so hard to find work, and the job market is challenging in Canada. I know better and perfectly aware that I cannot dream the way I have before, with all my cares. 

So do seek help. 

[John Alves]

It's like waking up in the middle of a hurricane, but don't worry, there is recovery, the problem is that anguish will be your main companion, because the more you dig, the more problems you will find, I mean in the sense of fears that you will discover, that you didn't even know existed, but every fight won is too good to miss the opportunity to keep trying, just never think you're alone, we're here too, if you have any questions just ask.