MD from childhood

[Kitti]

Hello, I'm new to here. I'm a daydreamer from my very early childhood, now I'm 40 years old. In the last few years I felt something is not good but when I tried to stop it I felt fear and loneliness even I had suicide thoughts so I returned to my fantasy as it scared me. I was looking for what the problem is, I thought it's something special. 3 days ago I realized I'm not alone and it has a name: maladaptive daydream disorder.
I've had several childhood trauma which led me into several abusive relationships. Now I divorced but the daydream stayed with me.
Now I'm seeking solutions because enough is enough I want to live my real life, I want happiness in my reality but it scares me because I feel I can't face with my painful past.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

My MD was powerful at one time, not it's diminishing. I will find ways to integrate it into real life, but it won't be easy. I'm saying this, as people constantly notice that I don't listen to them and say much of anything. I have had people treat me like I have a big attitude problem—the reactions weren't nice, I can tell you that. You'd think I was a despicable politician. People just like to blow up at you without any real cause. I guess my MD could've been involved in my behaviour in some way, that got to them. So that's why I dream a lot less, especially when I'm in public. 

[Paul Rapp]

Don't think that MD is something that you can just stop doing. I think the trick is finding ways to integrate it better into your life. For me, my daydreams became a motivation. I liked my created fantasy world much better than the real one. Truth be told, I still do. It was a motivation to try to make some of those daydreams into reality that motivated me to work harder in school and set goals. As I worked on those real world goals the amount of time I spent daydreaming became less and less, but never really went away. I did accomplish many of those goals, and while I never became Elon Musk I did have a fairly successful life. Now I am retired and my career is over. I have lost a lot of my old relationships, some due to death, some to drifting apart and some due to conflict. I feel more isolated now and as a result, those daydreams are starting to return.

My point is this: it is not necessarily the daydreams that are the problem. It is the "maladaptive" part that is the problem. If your daydreams are preventing you from adapting to real life, find a way to use them as motivation to make real life better. I don't know how that is going to work for you. It is something that you are going to need to work out for yourself. If there are real life issues that are causing you to retreat into a fantasy world, work on those. Daydreams are not the root cause for being "maladaptive", they are a way that you keep yourself from evolving.

I am nearly 66 years old. I still daydream. I do it less than I did when I was 6 or 16, but I still do it. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Another problem could be, I looked at the world with mellow and benign glasses. I had a soft and cushy upbringing that kind of fooled me. I wish my mom taught me better examples as I grew up. Instead she mollycoddled me and did too much for me, meanwhile my dad was busy at work. Only real responsibility I had was my homework! I didn't take on leadership roles, household duties, or even volunteered much. I was sent to babysitters and just pampered. What do you learn? When I became an adult, I was just stupid. I had illusions that I can still wing being independently on my own. But then, everybody found rather deaf, zoned out and unwary, and immature in the role. It was very mortifying, and I can't count how many times I got laid off. When I got older, I had almost no world perception. I spent much of my childhood and youth living in my head—instead of out there. Now my dad is kicking me to be independent and move out. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

It was a big process, wasn't easy. I decided that I wanted to stop maladaptive daydreaming 6 years ago. I was 29, and I was working at a manufacturing corporation for electronic cleaners in an industrial zone. I was commuted by a car lift and bike ride rest of way. It was early and fresh, or sometimes rainy. I never got my driver's license, because of my daydreaming. My parents suggest I'll never drive. Personally, I felt like I was in the cold. I had no social life, except for the staff at my work. When I came into my cubicle, I'd shed tears, realizing the MD life I knew for years will now be behind me. It was a warm cozy blanket that made me happy and magical, when really it was a big distraction to life. I now had cares in the world, so I had to quit. Even my mom told me, "You'd have a better life if you weren't living on another planet." Over the next 6 years, my maladaptive daydreams diminished more and more. As I carried responsibilities and had to stay with it, as I still lived with my family. When you live with people—you have to be listening. Being responsible and caring is what got me out of my MD realm. Trick is I kicked my own ass to stop.

[Kitti]

How did you stopt MD? What steps did you take?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I feel that way too, about my MD life. People like me and admire me more in a world that is pure fiction. Whereas in reality, it's far more hard to win over people. Even my loved ones have attitude problems toward me. We are all human, and we're going to express how we naturally feel—and we all have our dark sides. We are not going to be the "marshmallow" friends we talk with in our heads, who are always nice and loving. 

Reason I started doing MD, I was so quiet, and nobody wanted to be around me, due to this. They found me weird and unfriendly, not social and dumb. So they got mean. To make matter worse, they reacted to the fact I wasn't mindfully "here" while I was busy daydreaming—made fun of that too. Remark on my inn-appropriate laughter, staring, faces etc. 

People with no imagination, who don't daydream, work on themselves to look and sound better to people, and they are most likely to win. My dad once told me, "friends don't come out of daydreams." I made a huge mistake to rely on my daydreams to make all my wishes come to reality. I ended up seeing a flat-out rutty future. As if I just let everything go, and nobody was around to help out, nor save me. In fact, nobody ever knew that I even existed, that I was there. I was just so very quiet and hiding around. I never married, and practically stayed alone for years to come. I strongly learned my lesson and stopped with the daydreams.

Quoted in Working Girl, "You'll never get ahead in this world waiting for the things you want to come to you. You make it happen." I should know this by now, especially as a 36 year old adult. 

I recently got terminated form a job position of 4 years and 3 months. It was rather upsetting, but it gained me the courage to press on to greener pastures for better growth, experience and profit. Letting go to something that didn't serve me well is probably that best thing that happened. So I look forward to the next big opportunity to come. It's a little scary to switch over and start a new, and altering into a whole new individual. Hopefully, I will follow my dreams, and meet a mutual partner who respects me and treats me like I indeed exist. 

[Kitti]

I feel like I'm not able to live without MD as the life would be too boring and no one would love me. At least in my fantasy I have someone to love me.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

What is it that scares you? Are you afraid of getting hurt again? I use my fantasies to cope with fear and pain, myself. I didn't ever have any real relationships, as I come out socially awkward to people. Though, I got bullied and socially withdrawn in life, and that's what started my MD. I never felt like I belonged to anyone or fit in anywhere. My childhood traumas fall into bullying and isolation, and being heavily misunderstood by others.