i dont know if i can do this.....everyday is a struggle it gets harder and harder with each passing minute seems like every waking moment fantasizing is all i can think about....i ask myself why bother what will happen in the long run when life seems too hard to deal with without the daydreams....

i been so pissed off getting mad at everyone life and all its stresses was so much easier to deal with when i fantasized....im not sure what i think the end result will be i was…

so i usually like a few days to go by before i write another blog but today i hit a big trigger i couldnt sleep much last night so i gave up trying i turned on the tv and a commercial was on the girl in the commercial was a celebrity i used to obsess about i used to use her in my fantasies i had never seen the commercial before so i was surprised by it i had the urge to watch it again and again so i could get it in my head and i could daydream about it and about her

i fought…

 let me start by saying happy thanksgiving everyone!!

its day 7 i didnt think i could make it past thanksgiving being a stressful day for alot people surrounded by family and other people....

Im sitting in my room wondering what i was thinking when i thought it would be a good idea to try and quit daydreaming during the most stressful time of the year.....i started this whole thing back in january everytime i "fell off the wagon" i got right back on the longest i went…

12 years.....

thats how long i been living in my mind......... half my life inside a world i created to escape the pain i felt to escape the truth, the pain of being me the pain i felt as a child from the things i went through......

12 years.....no matter how many times i repeated it no matter how i said it, it wouldnt give me back those 12 years as i sit here i think my life wouldnt be the same without daydreaming it would be boring nothing to talk about no…