Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
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I usually daydream in 3rd person, and I make up a main character whom I put through many abuses and trauma. I rarely rarely ever daydream about myself, but when I do, I imagine myself getting back on all those bullies and mean people who treated me like sh--. For example, I imagine ripping their heads apart and dissolving them to shreds. I do this when I am very mad or filled with lots of hatred.
I am always The Hero in my DD. But I really understand why you do it. My hero get always hurt or see somebody he loves being hurt first. So he has the right to take weapon and go and kill the bad one. Anyway the feeling is the same.
The more I learn that is all wrights to be angry as long as you are not destructive, the less I get those types of DD.
I used to do it. In my daydreams I had a husband and he had a child with another woman. I didn't like her and her child. Mostly I just was rude to her and telling other characters that I hate her and she ruins my life but at one point I started to daydream about raping her because I hated her so much and wanted to punish her. I also did this to her kid. But I don't know if this rape was a daydream or an intrusive thought (because I suffer from severe OCD). It was kinda detached from the main story so I guess it might've been an intrusive thought. I regret that and feel guilty about it. But the rest was daydreaming.
Sometimes. This is especially true if someone pissed me off or if I remember something bad that happened to me. My father who abused me? I've dreamed of him getting a horrible disease and dying a slow painful death and then pissing on his grave. The girls who bullied me? I daydream that I tell them off, going into detail about how they almost led me to committing suicide back in high school, and doing this in front of their family and kids who then lose all respect for them. They then get so depressed that they are suicidal themselves. The crazy neighbor I had who would complain about everything (stuff that no sane person would complain about)? I daydreamed about calling the cops the next time her kids threw a party when she was at work (she was a nurse who worked graveyard shifts) and then getting her kids taken away so I could set her house on fire while she was in it.
None of these are a reflection of the type of person I am. In my life I'm very gentle and everyone constantly remarks that I'm the nicest and most helpful person they've ever met. When I get angry, I use my words and will walk away before saying or doing something harmful. So, when I get these revenge daydreams (as I call them) I feel like I'm evil or something.
I've even had daydreams where I was a serial killer and various things I would do to keep the feds off my tail. Those weren't revenge daydreams so I'm not sure where they came from, especially since I have no desire to hurt anyone in real life.
When I daydream about other characters and their stories, they always seem to have very tortured pasts or lives. The most disturbing of these are so horrible that it's actually illegal to write about. In those, I'm not the main character, though I am experiencing what is going on through their eyes and perspectives. I've actually cried because I felt guilty for what I've put these characters through.
Sometimes I think that I'm so gentle in life because I get all of the bad stuff out of me through my daydreams. IDK.
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