Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Yes!!! I used to have the worst negative scenario daydreams. I think it was caused by someone who used to pick on me at shool. it seemed like as my self esteme went down the negative daydreams got worse.
I do have negative daydreams quite often, i don't know what triggers them, but when i get into bed, if you didn't know any better from looking from the outside, you'd think i was fighting someone, but i go into this re-acting out whats happened to me, like the truama...
and it becomes really emotional...and its almost like im trying to figure out why, and if it was my fault. It's really horrible, i try sometimes to distract myself before bed...but for some reason, even if im really tired, and want sleep it happens.
I really hate it.
I have a lot of fantasy in mine (I'm not fully human, there's a fallen angel involved, and my 'best friend' has been alive a long, long time. And she still acts like a b***h to me haha)
Anyway, in my daydreams, all of this is in the daydream, I have lots of secret crap going on. I told my best friend about it (not Karla, but a human boy which I hadn't told my parents about because I was about 13 at the time and I knew they'd make a fuss) and he got involved, and got killed on June 5 2009 and about 2 or 3 in the morning, and so, even now, I make sure I try not to think about him around the dds and act like I'm over it, even though I'm not because I just pushed it out of my mind because I had to get back home without anyone noticing and act like nothing happened the next day in school/that day (Jun5) (now that I think about it, I need to check if June 5 actually was, in real life, a school day, haha)
Um, the fallen angel (anyone who reads House of Night, this is Kalona I'm talking about. The thing that happens with him/Rephaim near the end of the new book, Destined, kinda made me go "ah, crap" but now, because I pretend that the stuff in some book series is actually happening now, or a short time after, so I just went and told Girlie (my nickname for Karla. Don't know why, I just always called her that at the start) that this thing had happened and now it's confusing us both) Anyway, Kalona has nearly killed me many times, and it was one of his Raven Mockers that killed Jake (the best friend).
What else bad happened? The fact that, since Jake, I refuse to tell (I missed the 't' in '(t)ell' and Opera browser/Ning network didn't underline 'ell' in red, yet 'Ning' gets underlined... weird) any of my friends that I even have a double life, or anything about it, so I have to act like nothing's happened, like I haven't nearly died (Karla, now pregnant, is in training to be a medic healer thing of her kind, so she could heal me really quickly from the near-deaths and stuff, which is why no-one asked why I had time off school, because I didn't, I just got really used to acting like nothing's happened really quickly, pretending I'm fine, especially since Jake died.)
I think I may have an unfinished sentence in there, but I've gotten really, really confused now as to where the sentences were supposed to start and finish, especially because I don't do so well with parenthesis, and I also wrote tonnes and tonnes more than I expected to, but I think on here it shouldn't be too bad that I did, because even though I'd feel like an effing moron, and really ashamed if I tried to tell any of my friends that, I doubt any of them are gonna see that, and I don't have to make really awkward eye-contact with any of you, so I think it's fine.
And yes, for me, it was. It was a Friday, if anyone's interested, though noone probably is except maybe the most bored.
(now that I think about it, I need to check if June 5 2009 actually was, in real life, a school day, haha)
This is a problem I've been having too. (never posted b4 so a little background) I've had MD for aslong as I can remeber, not sure why mine started, probly do to me growing up without alot of money or just genetics. When I was younger my DDs were always good, but when I was 15 (current age: 19) my big brother died in an accident. I never really thought of death before but since then I know it can happen at anytime. So now i DD about it all the time, I dont have long storylined DDs about it but all through the day, I hav short Dark DDs, about me (falling down the stairs; everytime i use them, the car not stopping and smashing into the one im in, or just being murdered) and other peaple. (anytime someones running late or anything, I DD that something happened to them and they aren't going to come back). It's put me in a really dark depressed state in life.
I know this isn't very helpful, but i thought I'd share on this topic since it affected me so personally.
To be honest most of my daydreams are negative. Abusive relationships, abductions, suicide, eating disorders, murder, serial killers, getting beat up, etc.
I've always felt this darkness inside me and I've never really been able to be fully happy. I self harm and it makes me feel ridiculous because I've had a wonderful life so far. No reason to cut or to be depressed. So I think I started the negative DD to justify it.
Romeofro: "Maybe we can dig deep and findout why we daydream about this stuff. Maybe it could be something in our subconscious, or maybe repressed memories?"
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I often daydream about unpleasant things happening to me, and that makes me wonder, what am I, a masochist? And what makes a masochist a masochist?
Anyway, I recently watched a documentary type of show where a psychologist mentioned something about people who are abused or treated badly in their past. Apparently their (and everyone's) minds have a great protective, defensive type of quality about them and will actually make it so that they enjoy that which hurt them in the past. So if you felt emotionally abused in the past, your mind might say, "Well I enjoy emotional abuse." It's your minds way of sort of making the past abuse okay.
(I was not abused as a child, by the way. But I was definitely bossed around a lot by authority figures, and have come to enjoy daydreams about being victimized or pushed around. :shrug)
Besides that little bit of info, I've also read a lot of Eckhart Tolle's books, and he talks a lot about the "pain body" which probably won't make any sense to people who haven't read the book. I'll try to explain it though. The idea is that all your past pain makes up it's own entity in your body and you seek out more pain to sort of feed the pain body. The pain body wants more pain. (I know this might sound weird, but Tolle does a better job of describing it in the book. lol) You seek out pain either through life experiences, or movies, or daydreams, or whatever to feed the pain body which only makes it stronger. You have to stop feeding the pain body to make it weaker and make it, hopefully eventually, go away completely. You have to be very present and aware in order to do this which is what Eckhart Tolle's books are all about - Presence.
Anyway, those two explanations are really the only two explanations I can think of as why we might daydream about this stuff.
I'd love to hear other people's insights.
Both of your explanations sound very plausible. I think the second one would explain the negative DD for those of us who have never really ben abused or been through something too traumatic. Just little things building up inside and then being fed by our DD. That's how I understood your explanation at least. I might be off because I've never read any Eckhart Tolle. But anyway, I think both your points are valid.
I'd love to hear other people's insights.
I used to daydream a lot about negative scenarios, mostly in response to the negative stuff that's been going on around me. My negative daydreams used to consist of characters who are victimized, bullied, assaulted, dumped, or put down in some sort of brutal way. Maybe I have some hidden masochistic tendencies, but every time I daydream about those negative scenarios, I feel very guilty and ashamed of myself. I try to tell myself so many times to stop daydreaming about such things, but sometimes I couldn't control myself; whenever something bad happens to me, these negative daydreams resurface, especially during the morning hours.
I never really understood why I did mostly negative daydreaming. I still don't, really. Mine was completely divorced from reality. I was a winged unicorn who dove into my favorite books and movies, and because I was always helping the heros, every last villain wanted to hurt me. Not kill me, HURT me. I was flogged, mutilated, beaten within an inch of my life, chained and imprisoned repeatedly. Not only that, in this parallel world, the people most important to me (my family) had been killed by these villains because of me. My parents had been killed in a car wreck caused by the villains, one sister had been killed (I can't remember how) and the baby sister was tossed off a cliff. All my fault, of course. If that wasn't bad enough, I made sure sometimes my closest friends betrayed me for petty reasons.
When I switched from internal DD to external (Roleplay, I consider the kind I did to be merely an extension of the MD), it didn't change. I picked my favorite cartoon character to play, but because I was in control, his personality evolved to be somewhat closer to mine. He was an alien, and I played on every last fear I instilled in him, from being eaten alive to being vivisected and watching his loved ones be killed.
Once again, I turned to a different roleplay years later, my last one, and developed a character I poured my heart and soul into. She was initially supposed to be an extremely joyful character, but she took a turn for the moody occasionally, and I tormented her over the fact that if she touched anything, it was destroyed (she's living molten glass). And then I made it worse, by also introducing deep, species fears into her due to a war that had been going on for centuries she just found out about. I could go on and on, for some reason, I crave the morbid scenarios, and I plunge my characters through hell. I do my best to drag them back out in the end, but it doesn't always happen... and I still don't know why.