Why MDD doesn't help with relationships

[Silver Swan]

I definitely don't day dream like I used to as a kid. Adulthood strongly changed everything. As I was eventually taught to be more responsible, mindful and mature in my actions. Even when it comes to meeting people, because I spent so much time with imaginary friends, it's so much different when getting acquainted with real people. I mean, they're not quite the same. Recently, I thought that I got a date with a guy I hooked up with online. We texted for five days and I was psyched. He was the kind that I was looking for in my MDD. Later on, he started to play around with me by changing our dating schedule three times. He was late for our date that night, so he called it off. Apparently, he made me very upset and it wasn't long before I realized he was just a screwball trying to check me out. It wasn't a good impression for someone I still haven't met in person. Before this happened, I knew absolutely nothing about jerks. Frankly, I never had any jerks! It made me learn that real life is pretty damn real and MDD is totally not.

Experience really does change everything, so the more you learn and the more you get out there, the more ridiculous your MDD turns out to be. I learned that waiting for that ideal guy to enter my life is bound to not happen; I would have just spent far more years thinking about it. I am beginning to see that's just life. At some point, I will probably meet someone that I share lots in common with and he'll give much respect in return.

[Nadia]

Hi, I’ve actually thought about how MD affects relationship a lot but in a different way.

In my last relationship I was told that the guy I was with didn’t want to be with me because of the distance between us which I guess is a legitimate reason (despite the fact that I was and sometimes am still unimpressed with that reason). I remember before we broke up we had an arguement because I was unhappy that he smoked weed and I told him so, he responded that he “didn’t like everything about me either”. I wasn’t actually upset about this at the time, but I was annoyed that he refused to go into detail about what the things about me were that he didn’t like so I had no idea on how to improve these things if I could or even I was not allowed the opportunity to defend myself against anything he was thinking about me.

Why is this relevant to MD? Well it brought me on to think about a time when we first started dating, we were in his garden and playing with his dog at his family home when I suddenly started MD for (only about 2 mins in all probably) and stared off into space. I remember how he was really concerned and asking if I was ok and almost the look of horror on his face as I slipped into MDing so instantaneously (although he never did know or will know that I MD).

This is the only time that I can remember MDing in front of him, but I really wonder if I have done it more than this and that was the reason he didn’t want to give me for breaking up. I’m probably thinking too much into it, but a bigger issue for people with MD is that we are naturally so removed from reality that we can get paranoid about what others think and also are distracted to the point of maybe not knowing our partners as well as we should I suppose, partially due to the fact we spend so much time dreaming about what they should be as opposed to seeing them as what they actually are- putting pressure on ourselves to live up to their imaginary perfection in the process.

Either way in my next relationship I am going to give 100% attention- to my attention!

[Silver Swan]

Yeah, tell me about it. Two mornings ago, I was drinking coffee and having my bagel, but suddenly dazed off into space at the TV set. At the very same moment, my mom wanted to tell me about a phone service man coming in later on, but she saw what I was doing. She slanted her body and with her hand slowing waved an arc over her head, in a mocking gesture. I was so mortified by this that it effected my health and my whole day. She reacted this way twice shortly before.

I even tried hooking up with a guy back in 2013. We were talking at the eating table, but then I paused and stared down at the table surface for a minute, before he gently asked me if I was OK.

It's been so much worse with other people. I've had friends, family members, co-workers and school peers look at me like I was being completely nuts. They all waved their hand at me too. A few strangers blasted in my face. A mother stared at me all disturbed and still, saying "Are you Ok, you look like your in another world."

Outside of the Wild Minds Network, you just DON'T do that in front of other people....

[Nadia]

I have literally had people do and say all of the above to me! It’s so frustrating when people realise you can’t help it. My best friend who used to taunt me a lot about it has since realised what it is that I go through and now feels guilty about her comments.

I remember when I was around 16 crying because I was asked on a couple of occasions if I was deaf and also teased for “being like I was deaf”.

Everyone on the Wild Minds Network will be so much better of when MD is officially recognised and the public can be educated more on how to notice who may have it and what is polite to say.

[Filly]

After a year of knowing my friend with MD I see how he struggles to maintain both worlds.What helps is hard physical exercise like cross fit and ballroom dance lessons.

He also reads mystery novels giving some relief. I don't know much about his fantasy life as he shares only a little but I suspect he has a hero self who is a perfectionist.

I just adore him and try to be as good a friend as I can accepting him for his MD and giving him space when he is with me to whisper and talk.

A few times I have heard some nasty mean things under the breath. He denies it when I bring it up.

.

I talk to him about the new information learned and this site but he only listens.

I can feel when he gets down via our texts and phone conversations which are sporadic.

I want to help but don't know what else to do.

We travel once a year for ten days and I see him about six times a year for a day when he passes thru from his driving job. We do every activity I can think of in that one day in the hope it will make him happy.

I also suspect he may be  nosexual but is not aligned with this preferring to be straight. Maybe this also makes it tough.

Any advise appreciated

[Kristen Fay]

Yeah, MD can mess with relationships by creating unrealistic expectations. Maybe that's why I've been divorced twice. :( 

[Silver Swan]

I never married and don't know how I can.

[Filly]

He has never had a long relationship saying he got mad after three months max.
I think he could now have a relationship but his life style won't support it.
Hes on the road 40 days at a time and home for 4.

[Filly]

Silver swan
Try ballroom dance lessons