When did it start for you?

[Dee]

Do you remember how MDaydreaming started for you? How old were you and why do you think you needed to do it?

I remember being about 4 years old. I always liked pretending but this is the first time i remember  really pretending  to be somebody else.

My mom was a stay at home mom. I had an older sister and an older bother who were in school. I was alone at home with mom. She got into the habit of leaving me alone in the living room playing with the record player while she went to have a nap for an hour or so.

I remember liking being alone at first, but then  feeling lonely and anxious. I felt safe in the way that i was safe at home. But anxious in the way that if i was all alone, maybe i did not really exist.

I remember wanting to pretend being someone else to escape the anxiety, and partly for a game. My secret game became imagining i was Kevin. ( i am a girl, so yeah... awkward!) . My brother was a teenager and my mom seemed to think him and his friends were cool and awesome. One of his friend  in particular ( kevin) really seamed to impress them.  My reasoning here was that if i was to pretend to be someone else in my mind, might as well choose someone cool everyone admires!

Being a little girl in footed pajamas was lame in the way that it didn't seem to impress anyone.  It was so unimpressive that when i was alone, i wasn't even sure i actually existed. So for one hour a day while my mom napped, I  became Kevin in my head, and in this day dream  my mom and brother and everyone liked me and admired me ( him) .

Funny in a way, pretty sad in so many ways... My Mdaydreaming changed and evolved a lot with time. (Thankfully I do not daydream about being Kevin anymore!!!)  But my first  was pretending to be this scrawny teenager  my mom and brother thought was so cool!
How about you? Do you remember your first?

[Chris H]

Hi Dee, mine was the result of a traumatic childhood. I could go on about this forever. The MDD started when I was around 9 or so. I have depression, which of late seems under control. I am now in my forties, and my life is completely boring. Hence to say the MDD has been in full swing for the last few weeks. It's quite complex, I have several different characters. All of whom are linked to me. The most difficult part is how dull it makes reality.  

[Aquafirewolf]

Hello Dee,

My Md started when I was ether 8 or 10ish. I just was laying in bed and thought of a handsome man. After that I started to make romantic story's about him and added some characters. Just like Mr. Chris my life was and is boring.   I believe I was just bored and created these story's. I am trying my best to stop MDing though because I want  a real relationship. Anyway have a great day and if you celebrate Christmas happy holidays. I really enjoyed reading your blog and reading Mr Chris reply.

From,

Aqua

[J-Bird]

I was 8. I saw this commercial, it may have been capri sun. I dont remember, but the actors, a girl, was stuck in my head. After that I could not stop imagining her doing what I was doing. I think of these daydreams at as alternate realities, because the pull is so strong. At 22, I'm trying to juggle 4 alternate places. I'm really tired of tbh. This with ADHD makes college extremely difficult. I wish I could stop daydreaming like this. I dont feel like I have control over my own life. I want peace lmao. 

[Dee]

J-Bird, when you imagined this girl in the commercial, how did you experience it? I mean, did you kind of imagine you were her? Or was if more like you imagined she was your friend?

Chris, aquafirewolf, my MDing also tend to start again when  my life is too boring or too stressful! In those extremes, it feels like my brain wants to take a break and escape reality.

[Chris H]

Dee, it appears we have similar issues. But MDD creates issues not just with the several hours wasted each time, but trying to come back to my reality after. I am a tv presenter,  a martial arts world champion, tall, muscular and successful. I have  hundreds of mini adventures that this character goes on and is involved with.... As you can probably tell, coming back into reality after being this character is depressing. I am the complete opposite which is just pants, frankly....

[Dee]

Chris, 

i know what you mean when you say coming back to reality is depressing when the character is too different. I have a weird thing with this one. I have body image issues and i have been working really hard on it during the last few years. I like myself better now, but it's still shaky ( it's like body dismorphic disorder) . When i MDDream, i now have this rule that i must look like my real self. Otherwise it would be disrespecful for myself and the way i look and this goes against the self acceptance work i do in real life. ( I have to be realistic in my fantasies. Yes, i'm crazy AND anal!) 

Problem: my MDD is inspired by movies and movie characters. I have the crush on the movie character, not the actor. Unfortunately the character is played by perfect looking hollywood actors. Then when i imagine myself with this character, i sometimes get anxious because i think i might not measure up to this fake beauty standard and it completely throws off my MDD session!  Please feel free to laugh your a** off because i know how ridiculous it is!! LOL! BUT, it makes my coming back to reality less depressing. 

[Dreamer]

I think mine started at around 8, though it's hard to know if I did it earlier. 

[OhMyMagenta]

My MD began around age 6 when my mom got our first record player.  I would play records and pace around the dining room table for hours daydreaming. I would daydream to escape my reality, which included a chronic alcoholic neglectful parent, being bullied in school, having very few friends, and having been sexually molested at age 6. 

[Chris H]

Hi Dee,

apologies if this is a duplicate I'm having iPad issues this evening. I have several characters, some are related. The plots have run for years and are intricate. Perhaps I should write books....  Sometimes I drive home looking forward to the few hours I have in the house on my own so I can MDD my life away. And you think your anal...

Dee said:

Chris, 

i know what you mean when you say coming back to reality is depressing when the character is too different. I have a weird thing with this one. I have body image issues and i have been working really hard on it during the last few years. I like myself better now, but it's still shaky ( it's like body dismorphic disorder) . When i MDDream, i now have this rule that i must look like my real self. Otherwise it would be disrespecful for myself and the way i look and this goes against the self acceptance work i do in real life. ( I have to be realistic in my fantasies. Yes, i'm crazy AND anal!) 

Problem: my MDD is inspired by movies and movie characters. I have the crush on the movie character, not the actor. Unfortunately the character is played by perfect looking hollywood actors. Then when i imagine myself with this character, i sometimes get anxious because i think i might not measure up to this fake beauty standard and it completely throws off my MDD session!  Please feel free to laugh your a** off because i know how ridiculous it is!! LOL! BUT, it makes my coming back to reality less depressing. 

[J Peters]

I was probably 8 - 10 years old.  My stories started when I played with my Barbie dolls. Pretty soon, I stopped using the dolls  to pretend I was going on adventures, and just continued the narrative in my mind.   In my daydreams I looked like one of the Barbie dolls - I imagined myself as beautiful, perfect figure, great hair, fabulous clothes, and I had talent and was extremely smart.  In my daydreams, I had boyfriends and many gal pals.  In real life I was not - and have never been - any of those things.  I have always been embarrassed of myself - the way I look, the way I talk, the way I behave, my problems learning and understanding things...I tried all my life to be different - someone that other people would want to be around, but I'm just me and always will be. (I have read about something called "toxic shame" and it really seems to describe how I've always felt about myself. ) I needed to daydream because I needed to be someone else - someone better than me. I'm in my 60s now. I still have MDD. It's kind of sad, but I think without my imaginary adventures,  my life would've been awful. I know my daydreams aren't real, but in reality, I'm boring and pathetic.  MDD lets me escape from myself and be someone else. 

[Julie]

Mine started when I was in Junior high. I am now 46. I was always left alone. My parents payed more attention to my sister. Thier excuse was “squeeky wheel gets the oil”. Started watching soap operas and daydreaming about being part of the families on them. Of course I was gorgeous like the characters and also the hero in every situation. I never really thought daydreaming was a problem until I started realizing that it would set my expectations too high. It would make me fearful to do new things or to socialize. If I went out with friends I had to have a couple drinks to be able to get past my anxiety to socialize. I’m now going to Therapy and I know it will take time but I’m hoping to learn how to cope better with my anxiety with more healthy coping mechanisms.

[Sierra Paris]

I had been daydreaming since I was as young as I can remember, but I acknowledged it (Not as MD but like, got way more into it) in 4th grade. Before 4th grade though, I had characters nad worlds and all the sort, but not as complex as now for suuure.