What if?

[Laura Gardiner]

What if instead of trying to escape life's negative emotions, I embraced them, simply because they are real?  Fully experiencing life means experiencing the fear, the loneliness, the loss, the heartache, the struggle, and the courage to keep pressing forward.  I want that.  I want to know the pains of life as well as the joys.  I don't want to escape anymore.

[truthandbeauty]

Then don't do it.  Your own effort takes you into your DD.   If it's pain that takes you away, then seek professional help to deal with the pain.  I'm not trying to be harsh with you -- I do the same thing as you.  I escape the horrors of my real life (and I have HORRORS!) with DD.   But, just as I'm responding to you here in the present, you can maintain yourself in the present too.  You know you can - you just don't want to.  Professional counselling may help you deal with the fear, lonliness, loss, heartache and struggle of your life. 

 

I add this:  When I first had my 4 children in quick succession and I was a stay at home housewife living in a split level with a newly re-modeled kitchen and I had a husband who left for work each morning and returned each night and we drove really nice leased cars, I didn't DD.  At that time, I lost the habit.  I remember even thinking about how I just couldn't do "it" anymore!!  Then, EVERYTHING crashed down around me.  Lost the husband (he went bankrupt!), house, cars - everything and my son became very very sick.  Well, I'm back in the DDs and my life is a complete and utter struggle.  I accept the comfort of my DD though.  If you don't want it, then you need professional help to find out what makes you go there and how to improve your life circumstance.  Best wishes.    

[Laura Gardiner]

Wow, you really assumed a ton about me, didn't you?  Basically all I said was that I experience emotional pain, I daydream to escape the pain, and I don't want to escape anymore.  I'm choosing real life.  Go back and read it without making up extra details.

[truthandbeauty]

You shouldn't be so insulted by the comment - it wasn't meant to insult.  You never said that you were NOT escaping any more; you said you "don't want to" escape anymore.  I assumed (perhaps erroneously) that by the word "escape" you were referencing your DDs.   If that was a flawed assumption, I'm sorry. 

 

To me, your post did not sound as if you were actually choosing anything.  It sounded to me like a proposition only.  If you have already CHOSEN to face your reality and it's real emotions, then why make any inquiry/statement here?

 

My suggestion was only to be helpful and I apologize if it wasn't.  Again, if you DON'T want to use DD to escape emotional pain (which I'm only presuming based upon your last post that that's what you do), I'd still recommend professional help.  Maybe by dealing with the "emotional pain" - as you call it - you can overcome the need to "escape."   It's only a suggestion - not an insult.  

 

Best wishes.

[Laura Gardiner]

EludeMyFantasies:  TOTALLY!!!!!

[truthandbeauty]

Of course!  However, if EXPERIENCING those negative feelings CAUSES one to slip into MD/DD or anything other than facing those feelings head on, then by all means try to find a way to feel the negatives in the present.

 

Look, I do exactly what you do - and I'm not ashamed of it.  Yet I also know that when I utilize my ability to DD to escape a painful/negative/bad actual moment in my life, I am cheating myself of the life experience.  I think that's what Elude was talking about.

 

Now, you can CHOOSE to feel all your emotions - GREAT!   And if you DD just to add some emotional zest to your life - WONDERFUL!    BUT if it at all bothers you that you delve into DDs to ESCAPE EMOTIONAL PAIN - and I mean IF IT BOTHERS YOU - then there's nothing wrong with getting some professional help to discover WHY you're escaping the pain.

 

That's only how I read and re-read your post.  If that was not your intent, however, I do again apologize.

 

Laura Gardiner said:

EludeMyFantasies:  TOTALLY!!!!!

[truthandbeauty]

I could be wrong but I didn't see the statement as a triumphant stream of consciousness moment.  With all due respect to Laura, I read the statement (and perhaps erroneously) as a desire not to "escape anymore."  I connected with the remarks because it is what I do.  I, however, don't feel the need not to do it.  It's not entirely an "escape" for me.  Over time (and I'm talking a good 40 yrs), it's become  more like straddling 2 places at once, having 2 loves and 2 worlds to move within (don't get me wrong - my DD are just that and I know the difference betwn the DD and reality.)   Yet, I have also used MD to "escape" some of the most stressful times of my life but not for all stesses.

 

If I felt  that I didn't want to do it or that the escape wholly or partially innoculated my ability to feel (pain, happiness, anything)  in the present, I'd get help.  I quit smoking with the patch.  I quit smoking because I reached the point in my life where I wanted to quit and wanted to live a longer and healthier existence without cigarettes. 

 

Frankly, I haven't reached that point with MD just yet.  But if and when I say to myself that I no longer want to escape anymore, then I'd seek professional help.  It was only a suggestion.  Again, apologies if I offended.

 

Best wishes.