If I defeat this, and I'm fighting like hell to, I have a lot that I want to get accomplished. I feel my biggest long term goal is to have partner, a best friend, but my disorder has hindered my progress. A universal problem I've found on this forum is the inability to maintain friendships. I feel if I have that one good friend, one that I can confide in or hang out with whenever I want, I won't be so stung when I have to let a friend go or one lets me go. I have this one friend who whenever I invite her to go somewhere she's like "I'll see if we can come," refering to her and her partner. She's always with her and I wonder how either of them could ever be alone with such a close bond. I want that intimacy with someone for myself, but I can't approach anyone in my current state.


Whenever I daydream negative things, I feel it stresses me out and my acne worsens or I lose sleep and start looking undead. My appearence suffers greatly from my daydreaming disorder. I can't approach anyone if my appearence is off and I look unhealthy. I wouldn't want to date anyone who has my problems, so why should I expect someone to put up with mine?


My daydreaming disorder hurts my demeaner, too. I talk low and sound unexcited or deppressed. I don't joke as much or participate in the discussion when I'm with a group of people. I don't stand out. I feel really lame, like I'm just a tag-along or some extra person. There's no way I can approach someone looking sad and miserable.


I feel if I get a grip on my daydreams I'll be a completely different person. I won't have the stress brought on by the battles and struggles I experience in my fantasy world and I'll look more fresh-faced and my personality will sparkle as well. I'm working out, too, and building muscle and changing my hair and using proactive and wearing cologne and trying to be progressive about achieving my goal.

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Hm, I wasn't going to reply to this at first because I'm not fighting against it. But it all sounds too familiar to not say anything. I can totally understand your longing for intamacy. For as much as I long for it, I've determined that I can't have it. I feel like I'm too unstable, I change too often. I really just long for a close friend, but that takes time I guess and I'm too slow at meeting new people and holding relationships...

I too shut down in groups. I can hold conversations with one or two people. But as soon as there are more than four people, I can't focus or something. I get trapped inside my head and if no one is going to wait for me to respond, then I won't. I guess this isn't exactly what you experience, but it's interesting to see we have similarities. I really do hope you the best. This is a really great site Cordellia has set up for us.

I hope you achieve your goal.  I think some of my goals sound very much similar to yours.


-Achieve more friends/be more socialable

-Get rid of my MD (Without it hindering my creativity or affecting me negativly as a result)


I got a new job this year and I am becoming more independent so that is two goals already ticked off my list.  I would love to know how well you are doing in reaching your goals.  Have a good week. x

I think the daydreaming might be a symptom in your case. Have you been to therapist? You seem to be depressed, it would help you greatly if you could have professional assess you. Knowing what your core issues will help you understand yourself , and believe me, you will like yourself a lot more.

My long term goals include:

  • Being financially independent in a fulfilling job.
  • Make a friend/friends.A precursor to this would be to learn how to make friend/friends.
  • Open a bank account
  • Get a drivers' licence(This is the most difficult due to lack of a fixed location)
  • Move into an apartment with a kitchen  where I can experiment my huge collection of recipes.

I've recently realised at the back of my mind one of the career ideas always floating around was to be an astronaut which obviously is too late and impossible to do so if possible I want to do the second best.

  • Get a pilot's licence.

I don't have much to offer but I can share with experiences that are very similar to yours. This is all past experience and I have come A LONG way. There's hope yo. 

-  I used to not be very good at communicating with groups of people. I would feel like it was a competition. If you want to be heard you have to speak loud, bold, quick&witty constantly battling with the other people in the group for the attention of others. When I spoke I was simply ignored. Maybe they heard me but my lower social status denoted me ignored, or I was just fully unregistered in others minds. In groups I was just on the side listening to everyone's conversation. Watching and feeling the circle of communication squeezing me completely out of it. With a single person there was no competition for attention and I was able to feel like I could express myself entirely. 

My long term goals is to really find out what I'm going to be doing with my life soon. I've sort of opted out of asceticism which was once a legit goal I had. I'm contemplating  toward traveling the world with WWOOF or just getting a regular day job.  


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