Transgender with Maladaptive Daydreaming

[Oliver Burnett]

Hi guys!

     This might seem kind of weird, and I don't know if this has happened with other people or not, but I'm just curious. Also, no haters please, I know that trans* issues are a sensitive topic.

     I'm a trans man (born female), but I didn't realize it until relatively recently. Most trans* individuals come to terms with their gender identity during puberty because of the changes of their body or after an argument with their parents or something, but I wasn't like that.

     I always remember being a maladaptive daydreamer, even before I knew a name for it existed. I never wanted to tell my parents, because I thought they would make me stop or see a therapist. The only thing that I was confused about with my daydreaming is that I appeared to not daydream about myself. I knew that most people daydreamed about an idealized version of themselves in an idealized world, and I wondered why I didn't. At the time, still thinking I was female, I would wonder why I daydreamed primarily about a guy and why I identified with him more than any of my peers at my all-girls school. I began wonder how much my "main character" per say actually represented me.

     "Not that much," I thought, "because he's a guy. I'm not a guy... right?" Wrong. The more I thought about it and explored my daydreams further, I began to realize that I was a guy on the inside. Then, of course, the dreaded puberty hit, and each day became another reminder of my body's betrayal of my mind. Now I am slowly coming out to people and socially transitioning, fully aware of my gender identity. I still find it odd that it was my Maladaptive Daydreaming that made me realize who I actually was, and I'm curious to see if there are any other people here with a similar experience (trans* related or otherwise).

[Susan P]

I haven't had a similar experience -- I'm a cisgender straight woman -- but I applaud you for coming out and for having the insight to realize that your daydreams were an important clue to your real identity. That's a pretty adaptive use of maladaptive daydreaming!

[Roel]

Well if you think you're story was weird, wait 'till you hear mine XD

And lets hope no one who knows me irl read this shit, cuz I'm not out yet.

I am a heterosexual man, that wants to be asexual for the sake of escaping many problems and fears. I don't know what that makes me. Not realy transexual, but more kind of antisexual. Idk. And yep, I have been considering kastration for a long time, but so far I haven't got the balls to actually do it (get it? see what I did there? jokes? no? okay... ) plus I might regret it afterwards since I'm still young and who knows what can happen? Pretty much everyone I've told about it so far thinks it's a bad idea as well, while I think it might solve all my problems...

My self-image used to be asexual for the most part of my life, and so if I dream about an idealised self, My ideal me is asexual too. In my dreams all bad characters are sexual and the "good" main characters never think about it.

I didn't find my identinty in my daydreams, but than again I haven't found it anywhere yet. I only find characters in my Daydreams that are what I can't be :/

[Lara Michaelis]

Oh my god, I know how you feel I was born as a female yet I ALWAYS daydream as a male. Usually his name is Redix or Rai but I still identify as a female (though I would rather being male)

[Kay M]

The same happened to me-not with being transgender, but with being a lesbian. Its what made me realise I was a lesbian-at the time, my daydream was set in a school, about a group of five friends (aged 15-16). It was clear from the start that Beth was not interested in boys, even though her male best friend liked her, but then gradually she fell in love with her friend Laura. It started out as something mentioned by other kids in their class, that everyone thought they were a couple, and when they had to pair up and raise one of those robot babies they ended up together as their class had more girls than boys, but then it was made clear that in the future, they did end up getting married and having a kid. That was also my first daydream with LGBT characters, there was also two boys in the class who were in a relationship, and another kid who was very androgynous and didn't really say whether they were a boy or a girl, or neither, but I didn't know that was an option.

Nowadays my daydream cast includes four couples who are in same sex relationships, two LGBT teens, four people in a polyamorous relationship with eachother,  an asexual and a few bisexual people, three kids who are very gender non conforming, and someone who identifies as non binary and goes by gender neutral pronouns. Now I have become more comfortable with myself, I think my daydream characters have too, they've gotten more diverse as I got older.

[Michael Meager]

Hi Oliver,

I started MDD when I was about three years old and I always related to the female "characters". My alter-ego in my fantasy world is a female who has grown with me. She is now a 55 year-old grandmother! I don't figure in my DD world, but I am gay and whilst as I grew up I could relate more and more to the male fantasy figures I still feel that even at the age of three I was expressing my sexuality via MDD.

Michael

[maro]

 Ok i have always dream about a guy ....i dream about good version of me but a guy but i am not trans or anything it is just how i feel myself inside ...i mean i feel more free i envy guys for freedom and yeah most of my actions say i m not any intrested in girly staff girly talk  but i m intrested in guys talk actually just most of it only 

 I just feel me as somehow different i mean personality and tendancy :) idk