This is weird

[Bonnie]

Wow I actually discovered that I am suffering from MD.

 

After so many years no site or therapist actually related to my problem. I ended up diagnosing myself with schizophrenia which depressed me a lot.

 

Well I am not crazy but accepted that I am different, lol.

 

The theme of my day dream never changed since I started. There is always a man whom was my boyfriend when I was still young and later a husband when I got older and all my friends and family. This man is always charming romantic and says all the things that people at the movies say. He thinks I am the prettiest woman on earth and the man actually worships the ground I walk in. my friends change constantly depends who is the closest when I start the story. My story always starts by me finding this man and ends as soon as I have 3 kids with this man. I am always the CEO of a huge company. Tall and by nature I am short. My imaginary husband or boyfriend appearance changes constantly as well and his profession changes as well but major of this fantasy boyfriend/husbands were accountants.

 

The story last for a week or 2 weeks if I love the character I am playing. For that 2 weeks I am not productive in anything just want to be alone and play the story. I go to an extent of locking my bedroom door and start walking around the room, I can make the room be like a bed room when is sleeping time in my fantasy a park if I want to be in a park in my fantasy. I usually go out to buy food that the will be eaten by the characters in my fantasy. I choose clothes on the internet that I wear throughout the fantasy. I don’t know at what time do I actually sleep and immediately when I wake up I continue with the story as I prepare to work. Drive while not caring what is happening still playing the movie. I am able to fantasize while in the kitchen with my colleagues’ making coffee. I daydream everywhere I always squeeze scenario in my fantasy just to accommodate the place I am in at that moment.

 

When the story gets boring I stop and promise myself I will never do that again but 2 days later I have started a new story, new man put in friends and give them job titles and husband if I feel like doing so, I always have a partner in my story if I don’t have him when the story beings I will soon fall in love few hours after the story has began.

 

In real life I only had one boyfriend whom we dated for 7 years and he broke up with me. He thought I was weird. Now I am single and nothing seems to bother me because I have my ideal man in my fantasy who say and do the right things.

 

I know this has to stop and I will do anything to live in reality and built the woman I always play in my fantasy. She is kind, caring, a good cook, a good friend and a loving partner, a career woman. I am a career woman and but the other qualities are just not me.

 

I managed so much while living to two parallel lifes I wonder how much more I can achieve if I concentrated in just one life which is the reality we live in with real people.