Struggles with studies - Help

[Celeste]

 

 

I have MDD since i remember myself and i m not 100% sure all the reasons triggerd that behaviour. 

One of the reasons i believe was loneliness and unhealthy family environment which caused lots of trauma.

What i know for sure is that this condition affects me very negatively in my productivity and its something that happens since i was a child. 

My issue with studies was always that i couldnt study if i was alone, i always needed someone next to me to help me to boost me. I was very slow learner and i wasnt described as a very bright kid but more as lazy and vey sensitive to be able to continue with any struggle that i encountered as a result to become slowly a reluctant person to anythingt that i had to put a big effort. 

But still..  i have dreams that i want to achieve, and very big dreams need very big effort.

Today me and my MD Daydreaiming we are in a Uni full of hope that one day i will overcome one of my biggest fears. 

-Study-

I dont know how exactly to explain that but anytime that i want to study i have a denial to do that which i dont want to recogize. I feel a fear and its like a blockage which prevents me to start but even if i start i stop as i m starting daydreaming and its so luring, sometimes i cannot stop it. Honestly, daydreaming had affected me a lot in many and different levels in my life but how it affects me in studyings is something else. I feel like that maybe because this is what matters for me the most. To study and to succeed in my assesements. I know that Daydreaming is a coping mechanism and my problem is somewhere deep inside in my subconsious somewhere in the past and in my traumas but i dont have time to heal myself i need to activate myself  NOW. 

I m sure that i m not the only person who has similar experiences 

Please if someone had similar problems can you please share with me what made you discipline yourself in that situation? 

Or

If someone feels that loses control with daydreaming what did you do to come back and mantain your concentration? (as maintenance is the most difficult of all of course)

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I used to have MDD similarly because I was a total loner and found myself in unhealthy situations with school peers, specifically with bullying and group withdrawal. I was the unluckiest one that didn't fit it and hardly made any friends. I have Asperger syndrome that made relationships extremely difficult for me. Many have found me tunnel visioned and unresponsive, so I spent my whole life very solo. The relationship world was always a mystery to me, as I didn't have the idea what it was like to be close to someone. It was a very heavy hearted experience. So I used my daydreams to escape my frustrations and disappointments of having never been there. 

I think my peers really tried to persuade me to be part of their crowds, but they didn't understand why I wouldn't verbally express my thoughts openly, rather I was a very quiet person. Also, they noticed how I didn't want to interact with them, not that I didn't like them, but my brain was wired in a way that it made me introvert and incapable of acting reciprocally with them. So they thought maybe I was a very stupid person that couldn't speak and I was very unfriendly.

Problem is back then I had no idea my diagnosis was Asperger Syndrome. I believed that I was like any other normal kid, but I was just an oddball who did things differently. Still to this day, as an adult, people are persistently making remarks that I "don't talk" and I won't smile, 'cause my syndrome makes me emotionally deadpan. 

So starting at 12, and I deeply regret it now, I started maladaptive daydreaming on a constant basis. At first my alternative worlds felt so amazing in my mind and made me feel so happy. When really, it was putting a damper on my life. It was an addiction and I should've sought help in advance. It's actually quite sad. I was very bright, good looking and had potential. But my worlds were so thick, so they just engulfed me and put me in a stupor. 

Apparently, it greatly effected anything in my life, studying, friends, relationship and career opportunities. When I was that young, MDD felt like a gift to me. It filled my head with music, colors and inspiration. Apparently, it killed my career and love life, and I went nowhere. All people noticed was that I wasn't paying attention and listening to what they were saying. 

I eventually stopped MDD when I reached my thirties. But then I felt so sad, because I realize that I could've had a much better life and shapely state of mind if I hadn't daydreamed. I reflected on my past and finally understood that people were always trying to get my attention and wanted to be my friend, but they simply couldn't get me to look at them, smile and talk. So they didn't have a choice but to insinuate things and taunt and prod.

Anyway, what can you do? Live and learn. Of course, now we have COVID-19. So I have to wait until this virus spread is out, before I can make any plans. 

[alona]

I had a similar experience which was when I first discovered this forum. I was completely stressed out because every time I sat down to study I wasted several hours in my own head. 

I never learned to really control MDD, and in no way has it reduced over the years. The only  advice I could possibly give is the only thing I was able to do to get through that specific period - sheer force of will. Every time a daydream would threaten to start up, I would consciously force my mind back to the task at hand. this is not easy and you will falter, especially since the daydream is such a tempting escape. but the reason that is so (at least for me) is because the task at hand is so  tedious and uninspiring. If you can find a way to genuinely incite interest in your studies, in whatever way that suits you, that might work. I never could, hence the technique I chose. 

good luck

[Tammy O.]

I had a similar experience as I wanted to daydream rather than study. The truth is the only thing that can help you is being disciplined. Set a schedule and do things little by little. Like read 5 pages and then take a break. Something that is doable for you but keeps you on target.

I had MDD because I was a bit of a loner in school and still kind of am in some ways as I find that I dont quite fit in. However, at 27, I have found ways to cope with being different and celebrate my uniqueness. 

Find a way to incite interest in your studies as well this could be the fear of failing. Sorry to say but fear of failure is good motivator. It will hurt you more if you couldnt finish college due to not being able to study. Use your willpower to break some of the habit.

Set a schedule. I can repeat this enough.

I hope this helps! Wish you the best in your studies!

[Celeste]

Thank you Tammy
That helped <3