staying present

[magi]

I can feel myself zoning out, and struggling to come back.

most of the time I feel half in half out, meaning - half inside my head, half present in the real world.

my inner world is an absolute illusion.

these things will never happen. sometimes I tell myself that the things I dream of everyday are my goals in life, though I know they comes from a traumatic place in order to help me better deal with reality by escaping it. so you see, this dreams aren't real. and now I'm not even sure what my real ambitions are. what I want to do in my life. 

I am in that time in life when you take a path, study something in university and hopefully make a career out of it. that time when you no longer have anything holding you back from becoming something great, and you need to make decisions regarding your future.  

in my mind I am on a stage performing, and it sets me free. then I'm making movies and having lunch with all this people I adore. when I'm driving, I'm a taxi driver in L.A driving famous actors around. and I have to say it all feels rather pathetic in retrospect. I feel pathetic. I dream of these things all day, everyday.

it interrupts my life. even having a conversation is hard.

what I need from you are tips of staying focused [other than pinching myself, it doesn't work and I can't effort therapy].

thank you.