So glad I found this- Introduction :)

[Megan B]

I am so glad that I have found this place.  I have looked around before but couldn’t ever find something that describes it. I’ve read through and felt like sharing myself too.

I’ve had the daydreams/fantasies for as long as I can remember, I’m 27 now.  I do believe it is tied in with my depression. After having my first child I got severe PPD and that’s when my MDs were the most uncontrollable. After getting on medication, I was back to being able to control them to the point where I could maintain my real life along with the DD life. I never told my Dr’s about this part of my issues.  It’s now 10 years later, I’m on different meds and I still have MD. It’s controllable to a point, I can plan a DD and set myself up to do it but then other times I will be trying to do other things and will drift into one that I have to keep snapping myself  out of. I can’t think of a single time I’ve gone a day without a DD, It happens multiple times throughout the day. Depending on how much time I have I can DD for hours or days on end.

I often pace in circles while DDing but it’s not necessary for me. Music is a huge trigger; I have used it to plan DDs too. I will fill my Mp3 up with the music that matches the DD theme. TV is another trigger. I have caught myself making facial expressions, laughing, smiling, and saying some things out loud. I’ve even cried before. When I am in my DD mode, I have noticed my body or actions change to match, almost like turning into my DD “character” She does vary between DD but her basics stay pretty much the same. I stick to one story line for weeks to months and then move to a new one. I have some DDs that I’ll replay again after switching.

I’ve never told anyone, explaining it out loud would probably sound pretty crazy, so I feel a huge sense of relief in writing it all out and reading your posts and knowing it’s not just me.  

I’m torn about what I want to do about it. On one hand, I would love to be “normal” and focus on my real life and not have so much of my life revolve around people who don’t really exist. On the other hand, I think it would be very lonely without them.  I do have depression, anxiety and some OCD along with this, my meds aren’t doing much for any of it at the moment. I would love to bring this up with a Dr but it would be very hard for me. It consumes a huge part of my life and just being more in control of it all would be helpful.