Sharing my story for the first time

[AmyN]

I am very happy to have found this group. I am 32 and I have always known I was a bit "different," even as a very young child. It wasn't until I recently googled "excessive daydreaming" that I found I am far from being "one of a kind" in my habits. This post is the first time in all my life that I have told a soul about my daydreaming. I am glad to be able to talk to other people who understand. 

I have had this condition, for lack of a better word, since I was a very young child. For me, it has always involved manipulating something with my hands, and walking around/pacing, usually while listening to music. My item of choice has always been a telephone cord - an old fashioned, coiled one, to hold while daydreaming. I usually find it impossible without music of some sort, and always impossible without something in my hands to manipulate while pacing.

My daydreams almost always involve myself imagining an idealized, or dramatic and exciting form of my own life. They usually only involve people I know and futures I would like to see for myself. Now that I am an adult, I see it as a form of positive visualization, and I really enjoy it. As a child, however, I knew I liked to do it but always felt I had to hide it. My mother caught me several times as a child, and I remember always being very embarrassed about it.  She would ask me what I was doing, but I never knew how to explain it to her. In my mind as a child, I called it "storying." She never berated me or made me feel bad about it, but I know she was concerned about me. Several times she would come back and throw away whatever object she had seen me holding while pacing. She will mention now and then "that strange thing you used to do as a child." I always pretend not to remember, as it is much easier than trying to explain. She tells me that even as a baby, I would manipulate my hands together while staring off into space, and my parents thought for a while that I had autism. I was never tested, and as I seemed to mostly grow up normally, it was dropped. 

As an adult, I don't have any tendencies toward OCD or other mental health issues. I do daydream, usually once a day for about 20 minutes or so, if I am alone. If I am not alone, I have no problem going days or weeks without it. I often find that it helps bring on my creativity or to develop new ideas. I see it as a tool for relaxation or creativity. It has not hindered my relationships in any way...I am happily married and am very close to my family and have a large group of friends. I do find that I can feel slightly socially awkward around large groups of people I don't know very well, but once I get to know people I am perfectly fine with them. I am a college graduate with a good job and a very "normal" life in every other way. 

I have never told anyone about my habit. It feels very personal and close to my heart, and I have never particularly needed to share it with anyone else before now. My biggest concern now, and the reason I have decided to search online and subsequently find this group, is that my husband and I would like to start a family next year. I am curious to know if any other mothers or fathers have found that their children have also gone on to inherit MDD. I would like to be mentally prepared if this might be the case. It would be nice to hear anyone else's experiences. 

I look forward to reading more about all of you and sharing more in the future. I do feel like a strange weight has lifted off my chest, typing my story for the first time. It is nice to know I am not alone. 

[Tinkerbell]

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

For me my Maladaptive daydreaming started when I was about 3/4 after being sexually abused by my mother's boyfriend. My mother decided that the best thing to do was to cover it up and preend it never happened. So MD came into my life as a coping mechanism. My mother was always the very abusive distant parent and when my brother was born I was the child looking after a child. I was always bullied really badly at school for various reasons so I spent much of my time reading books, singing and writing stories and poems which fueled my MD. As time went by I realized that as I had been house bound most of the time that I never picked up the skills needed to correctly socially interact with others, I was awkward and reserved and when I was around others would make them feel awkward too.

I went to college e.t.c and experienced the same rejection and the more tha people rejected me, the more I began to create a happy little life for myself inside my head. So perfect and full of joy that I would not want to leave it to face cruel reality. As time went by it began to become harder to come out of my day dreams. I would need to go to the shops and when I left the house for a few minutes . I would be laughing and smiling to myself as I did my tasks. People began to talk about it and Neighbours began to avoid me. They found a new nickname for me "The Mad One" and so that is what I am called where I live. Should I leave my house and need to walk on the same side as a child, the parent will come rushing over and pick up their child as though they think I will harm them.


I go to work and I only now seem to MD when I am really stressed or trying to go to bed or in the morning when my mind has nothing to do. I write, sing, play various instruments, use the Internet. I do everything I can to preoccupy my mind and 9 out of 10 times it works unless I am really stressed.